What is the best way I can support him during a difficult time in his life?!

What is the best way I can support him during a difficult time in his life?

My boyfriend's 27 year old sister was diagnosed with leukemia a couple months before we got together. I've pretty much have been with him through the entire ordeal, except the beginning, which I'm sure was just as emotional as it is now. It recent months, after a transplant, given by my boyfriend... her cancer has returned, and things keep getting worse. She has a fungal infection in her sinuses, which doctors have been operating on daily. Today, we'll find out whether or not it has spread to her brain, which would kill her. In the meantime, she hasn't been able to receive chemo while she is sick, and the leukemia is spreading, too. She was scheduled for a second transplant, but now might not make it to that point.

My boyfriend is completely an emotional wreck. Our household has become nothing but tension because he either has to be working on something to ease his mind, or he is easily angered. I've never been in a situation like this, what can I do for him, if anything?

Sometimes in situations like these it's hard to say what you should do to support someone who has a sibling with cancer. Everyone and every situation is different. First, you should understand that your boyfriend has many stages that he is going through and will continue to go through for a while. Anger is always number one and denial about the persons mortality is right at the top of the list. I am sure you have already experienced some of this. Next you will notice grief and then coupled with that is usually some kind of acceptance of the illness of the final outcome. I am sure you have been very supportive but do not insert or assert your emotions to him. He is already dealing with so much and on top of it, he does not know how to console you. You shouldn't take any of this personally because I can assure you his feelings have nothing to do with how he feels about you. However, if you are constantly on him about his feelings and pushing him to talk about it, then you can be sure he is going to feel forced into pushing you away. You happened to meet him at a time when he was very vulnerable and at the time, he probably was sincere in his interest to pursue a relationship with you. I am sure he did not realize the true gravity of his sisters' illness and that she would become gravely ill. There may be another underlying issue and that is men are innately the protectors of women. At this juncture, I am sure he is wrestling with the fact that he cannot do anything to help her at this point. He feels helpless and men are not good at feeling helpless. I would suggest you go to Barnes and Noble or you local bookstore and find some books on this subject. Arm yourself with information. Remember, you are not the one who is sick. You need to be strong and sometimes he may not want you to say anything. Silence is golden. You need to be in the background and let him come to you. Meanwhile, you need to continue on with your daily activities and ride it out as best you can. I hope this helps and wish you all God speed....