How to I repair the emotional damage I may have caused my children?!


Question: How to I repair the emotional damage I may have caused my children?
I have three great little boys. They are sweet, caring, smart, obedient...everything a mother could ask. Due to immaturity and a bad relationship with my husband, they have seen me lose my temper, lose control of my emotions and basically live trhough my depression.

They're 11, 9 and 8. ANd I Can see where they may be hurt by all of this, but have no idea how deep that goes. I'm at a turning point in my life where it is more impotrant to me than anything else for them to grow up to be healthy people, and am learning to simply be responsible and not blame my bad marriage for all of the things I don't feel as if I am doing for them....quality time, playing with them, listening, and just being a grown up.

Where do I start?

Answers:

Well, it looks like you've already started. Acknowledging that you've not been the best you could have been is a great start. Getting things to a good point is going to be hard, but you seem like you're on the right track. One thing you need to be told though... Don't keep beating yourself up about this. You need to face things and move forward! Kids don't always need to see only the good things. Talk to them about things. They can understand, if you explain it correctly, that sometimes parents DO make mistakes and sometimes parents can act more like children than children do. Believe me, if you help them understand that parents aren't always perfect, they'll adjust better to the real world. Try talking to them and then be there for them, like you always wanted to be.



1) Go to a parenting class.
2) Read some parenting books
3) learn how to communicate as a family about problems.
4) Start with family meetings. Ask everyone what problems they have, etc.



Ok first u should just take some time off from relationships and just focus on them talk about it with them and spent quality time with them



By being a caring parent.Keep what negative impulses away from them,they will get the picture.



One thing that will help change the direction of your daily lives, is to have a family meeting. It will be awkward at first, but you'll do just fine. Tell your children what you have told us. Let them know you have recognized some of the ways in which you want to do a better job of being their mother. The little guys love you and will want to help you be a better parent. After you have spoken, give each of them an opportunity to speak. You may be surprised what you learn. At first everyone will sit quietly. Then, the truth will be spoken and you will have the chance to come together as a family to make your lives better. Putting your children first in your life is a mother's choice. Had your husband been a better man, he could have had that place and you would both have been parenting the children. Do not seek to bring another man into these children's lives. You will be sorely tempted because of money, loneliness, sex, companionship and other things. Could you just concentrate on the boys for now? There is lots to fill all your hours if you cook, wash clothing, help with homework, attend ball games, plays , and other child related events. If you also work, the hours will leave you without a minute to spare. If you and your husband can find a way to compromise and live in peace, so much the better. Do whatever it takes to make your boys home a haven. Having weekly family meetings to allow everyone to air their grievances is healthy.




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