Supporting my boyfriend through his mother's late stage cancer.?!

Supporting my boyfriend through his mother's late stage cancer.?

Besides being there physically and listening, in what ways were you able to give comfort?

Life is cruel isn't it? Everybody is different and you know your boyfriend better than any of us. The fact that you are asking on here what you can do, shows to me, that you are already doing all that is humanly possible.

It is so hard to watch a loved one endure so much grief without feeling that there is 'something that you should be doing' The hard, cold fact is that the only thing you could do to ease his pain is to perform a miracle and cure his mum and as this is not a reality, you will both eventually have to accept that this is going to be an agonising time in your boyfriend's life. The acceptance of this though, will not occur at will,or even before she dies. It will be an evolution in the grief process that nobody has control over.

Go with the flow, take each day as it comes. Reassure him as best you can (without overwhelming him) that you'll be there for him. Keep it simple - the smallest tasks can seem huge in these circumstances - are there any pressures that you can ease, such as (for example) doing extra chores, feeding the dog/cat, shopping etc without making it obvious you are doing them. A quiet night out/in. It's the little things that matter.

When my mum was dying my husband would do things like just hold my hand when he could see I was sad. The best thing he did for me was to give me my 'own time' which was when he would go to bed and leave me on my own and let me sob my heart out (without actually letting-on that he knew that).

Also, look after yourself. This is hard for you too and you are not being selfish if you sometimes feel that you cannot cope. Talk to your friends about how this is making YOU feel - we are all human and events like this make us face up to our own and our family's immortality so don't underestimate the impact on your own wellbeing. Sounds harsh, but this affecting you too and you need your own support. Without it, you will be less effective in helping your boyfriend.

I'm a nurse, and in my last 16weeks of training I electively spent that time with the Macmillan Nurses (not sure where you are from - in the UK these are nurses that care for terminal cancer patients and their family). I never saw one family or person react the same as any other. Everybody was unique.

Tough times are ahead. Take care.