my boyfriends dad has cancer and hes pushing me away?!
Question: My boyfriends dad has cancer and hes pushing me away?
Iv been with my boyfriend for 6 years and his dad was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. when he was first diagnosed we werent together because he finished it with me so i kinnda went abit nuts n just didnt care about anyone. Then when he told me his dad had cancer i wasnt there for him properly and thats when he needed me the most and all he wanted was for me 2 be around. Then afew months later we got back together and since then hes been trying to sort his life out with other matters than his dad and when he was just trying to get himself sorted, his dad has gotten way worse, as in we dont know how long he will last because the cancer has spread and he is alot sicker.
My boyfriend does everything for him, he is just brilliant. he cooks, cleans, does basically everything down to tee. But i know hes finding this really difficult, Im trying to be there for him properly, if he ever needed me id be there with a drop of a hat, but he doesnt want me to help or anyone. He likes doing everything on his own and he nearly broke up with me the other day because he said he needed to concentrate on his dad and i understand that but then he says he loves me and apart of him doesnt know if breaking up is the right thing to do. He says his head is so messed up he just doesnt know anymore. He doesnt feel the need to talk to me and he just doesnt really want me around that much. I said that its fine if he wants to finish if he feels im getting in the way of taking care of his dad but im not. he just doesnt want to think about anything else except for his dad which i understand.
I just want to know what to do? were still together but im not sure should i stick around if he doesnt want me there. and when he just sorting his life out, that has all gone down the drain since his dad got worse and im just so afraid hes never going to be able to sort out his other problems which wont be good for us either. I do love him to bits and always have and will but does anyone think i should stick around regardless of wat he says or do what he says n just leave him alone for good? He also said he needs lots of space but i cant just sit here and do nothing and if i do he might definatly finish it for good?? Im just really lost at the moment.
Thanks.
Answers:
I'd feel a bit suspicious of someone if they push you away in a time when most people would want you around for support, but you also have to keep in mind a lot of guys are like this. They're too proud, stubborn, or don't know any better, so they feel they need to keep the problems on their shoulders. This isn't the right thing to do, but it's what they do.
I think in this case, the choice is up to you. If you really love your boyfriend, and you feel he's worth staying around and waiting for, you do that. If this is really putting you off, and upsetting you deeply, then it's probably better for you both that you leave for good. You maybe waiting for a very long time.
This may have opened his eyes and caused him to see that he has priorities and issues about his life to sort out, and it's not always beneficial to try to carry on a relationship in such a state. He may need to be alone for a good period of time until he is ok. If you can, I'd try to see if he would talk about how he feels about your relationship. I know he doesn't want to think about it, but he has to, he's not the only one in the relationship. It's not entirely fair to make you wait for an indefinite amount of time without any sort of answers, especially on if he wants to continue the relationship or not.
In the short term, if you still care about him, I'd be patient and understand that his mind will be in this state until his father passes, and then he's probably going to have a crash of emotion and stress. When his mind is no longer occupied with caring for his dad, this may be your better chance to take care of him.
I'd just see if he would try to talk to you if he is serious about your relationship. And be prepared for the fact that he might break it off because he needs to tend to himself. I wouldn't take it personal, there are a lot of guys that go through this sort of thing. If he does love you, things will work out, but you need to talk about it.
If the stress is too much for you to bear, then it's better to part ways. It sounds like you really want to do whatever, and that is good. But if it was too much, then that's the better answer. He's gonna need someone to stick with him through thick and thin and you'd have to deal with this constantly, and if you don't feel like you want to or can, then you aren't that great for each other, like I said not because you or he or bad, it's just not the right mesh for a longlasting relationship, you'd need different people. But since it doesn't sound like that's the case here, just talk to him, and say something like you are here for whenever he needs you, and you understand his desire to work through things on on his own, but you really want to know how he feels about you and if there will still be a relationship there.
I think time will tell once his father does pass away, so if you feel really bad about confronting him so boldly now, you'll have a better chance at that time. Just keep letting him know you love him and are there for him, and when things settle down and he goes and opens up to you more, then it'll work. If this doesn't happen, you'll need to discuss if this relationship is the right thing for him at the time. Not everyone can deal with intense grief and a relationship at the same time, they need to work out their issues before they jump back into the game.
He's being an *** your just trying to help and if u didn't offer ur help I bet he would think u didn't care so tell him how you feel