How does one start the process of healing?!


Question: How does one start the process of healing?
i just left my husband of four years and moved 1800 miles away. there were elements of domestic abuse involved,he beat me pretty badin december, but i'm a big girl, and don't consider myself physically abused. but he would constantly keep love and sex from me as 'punishment', would be gone all the time, and now that i'm actaully gone, he's doing everything in his power to make himself out to be the victim. i just want to start over, me and my kid left everything behind for the sake of our safety and sanity. why, then, does he be all nice one minute, for almost two weeks now, then calls me this morning and threatens me with this and that, tells me i'm a piece of crap and no one loves me and i'm incapable of being good to people. i just want to heal from this and move on. but i have no idea how. i'm scared to death and feel like the piece of crap he tells me i am. where do i begin?? how do i start??

Answers:

Please dont mistake his niceness as genuine. An abuser is a control freak.....he needs things to be his way or no way. The nice approach didnt work, so he tries a different approach....he verbally abuses you. You might be a big girl, but you are still a victim of abuse...physically, emotionally and mentally.....dont ignore that fact....You are the victim here and stand strong. Maybe just change your phone number, so he hasnt got the opportunity to make you feel bad. The first process of healing is to use your self control. You have to make things happen, and as much as you are probably still in love with him, you have to do things to not be influenced by him....change your phone number. The less contact you have with him the better. He is not a good father and your daughter has probably been damaged by witnessing his abuse already....so she doesnt need him in her life, so get that right out of your mind. You took a huge step in moving 1800 miles away to get away from him, now change your phone number and refuse to have anything to do with him anymore. Then when youve done that, you can deal more effectively with your grief. Get into counselling if you can....it does help. I hope you have spoken to a counsellor who is experienced and qualified with abuse....if not, I strongly suggest you do because your husband has done some pretty horrific damage to your mind. Dont ever underestimate what he has done to you....what damage he has done to his daughter. Take this damage seriously, then maybe it will be easier for you to start your healing. If you want to talk, please feel free...I have a good ear.

Take care.




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