Why is the husband so insensitive?!
Question: I have been thinking of having lap band. It hit me hard when my doctor referred to me as obese. I told him please for the love of God just call me FAT! Obesity sounds like something you just cannot get rid of...or some kind of disease. Well, it seems as if this is what obesity is starting to become. I have always been a large woman, but shapely, well proportioned. I have always been agile. I have given birth to four children. With my last child, I had a C-section. My stomach is BIG now! It hangs and I will be the first to say it is rather disgusting. I diet, exercise, and get no results. I need to see a doctor that specializes in weight loss. I have no energy what so ever. I get hungry at odd hours. I drink more water than you can imagine trying to fulfill some of my hunger. Whatever it is that I do is irrelevant to what I want to say. I am not seeking advice for dieting and exercise. So, please read this post to its entirety before responding! My problem is that every time I bring this matter to attention to my husband he responds negatively. He can be the sweetest man I know as well as the meanest man I know. This morning we were lying in bed talking. I told him I want to get lap band. I am tired of being fat and I am beginning to become physically challenged...I just want to be healthy. He says man if you do I hope you do not think I am going to stop eating the things I like. I never suggested that, neither would I. He can eat himself to his grave! That is his prerogative. I reminded him that when I diet that I never make changes that will affect the whole family. I will not deny him something. This is for me! I don't eat Lil' Debbie snacks...he does! I have never asked him to alter his diet. So, why would he think I would ask him to now? He says there are certain things I won't be able to eat. I am not sure. This is one aspect of the surgical procedure I have failed to research. I have mostly spoken to others that have received lap band. I have researched things like cost. That was my main concern. I should consider researching side effects of the surgery and I will. I am just disappointed that he is so insensitive. I do not want to be fat. He makes comments that make me realize that he does not want me to be fat. I know he would much rather enjoy making love to a thinner me. I have become so large that it interferes with our sex life. I don't mean to be so graphic but this man loves for me to be atop while making love. I feel like I am going to crush or somehow hurt him and I refuse. This is unfair to him. I want to be able to run around and play with my kids again. I cannot figure out why discussing me having this procedure done is so hard for him to talk about?!?! It is hurtful to listen to him say things like that. He says you can do all that with diet and exercise. I can have the procedure done, still diet and exercise, and get some results! That is what, I want and I cannot fathom why he will not respect that.
Answers: I have been thinking of having lap band. It hit me hard when my doctor referred to me as obese. I told him please for the love of God just call me FAT! Obesity sounds like something you just cannot get rid of...or some kind of disease. Well, it seems as if this is what obesity is starting to become. I have always been a large woman, but shapely, well proportioned. I have always been agile. I have given birth to four children. With my last child, I had a C-section. My stomach is BIG now! It hangs and I will be the first to say it is rather disgusting. I diet, exercise, and get no results. I need to see a doctor that specializes in weight loss. I have no energy what so ever. I get hungry at odd hours. I drink more water than you can imagine trying to fulfill some of my hunger. Whatever it is that I do is irrelevant to what I want to say. I am not seeking advice for dieting and exercise. So, please read this post to its entirety before responding! My problem is that every time I bring this matter to attention to my husband he responds negatively. He can be the sweetest man I know as well as the meanest man I know. This morning we were lying in bed talking. I told him I want to get lap band. I am tired of being fat and I am beginning to become physically challenged...I just want to be healthy. He says man if you do I hope you do not think I am going to stop eating the things I like. I never suggested that, neither would I. He can eat himself to his grave! That is his prerogative. I reminded him that when I diet that I never make changes that will affect the whole family. I will not deny him something. This is for me! I don't eat Lil' Debbie snacks...he does! I have never asked him to alter his diet. So, why would he think I would ask him to now? He says there are certain things I won't be able to eat. I am not sure. This is one aspect of the surgical procedure I have failed to research. I have mostly spoken to others that have received lap band. I have researched things like cost. That was my main concern. I should consider researching side effects of the surgery and I will. I am just disappointed that he is so insensitive. I do not want to be fat. He makes comments that make me realize that he does not want me to be fat. I know he would much rather enjoy making love to a thinner me. I have become so large that it interferes with our sex life. I don't mean to be so graphic but this man loves for me to be atop while making love. I feel like I am going to crush or somehow hurt him and I refuse. This is unfair to him. I want to be able to run around and play with my kids again. I cannot figure out why discussing me having this procedure done is so hard for him to talk about?!?! It is hurtful to listen to him say things like that. He says you can do all that with diet and exercise. I can have the procedure done, still diet and exercise, and get some results! That is what, I want and I cannot fathom why he will not respect that.
First and foremost, I sympathize with you, but I would urge you not to get it. Instead, invest your money in a QUALITY dietician and get a personal trainer to help you stay motivated.
Your body, internally, is designed a certain way and everything is a certain size for a reason.
Again, seek advice from a dietician or nutritionist so that you get enough fiber and all necessary nutrients.
Second, I can tell you REALLY want to lose the weight so it is something you need to do for you. His delivery on how he tells you about the lap band may be harsh, but you need to look past that and focus on why you want to lose the weight.
So again, get the help from a nutritionist, get a trainer, and workout like your life depends on it, which it does.
Good luck
He is a man that is all.
I think there's a possibility he feels a bit threatened by the prospect of a slimmer, more conventionally attractive and therefore more confident you.
Perhaps he fears you may leave him.
Maybe he is just worried of the risks an operation would cause. Like death..But doesn't want to scare you.
Your husband is insensitive to you. Probably because you were not always obese.
he probably hates you
Carry on researching have a stomach band - there are imporant things to consider but it has changed many people's lives. Well done for wanting to do something about your size. With regards to hubby - men can be a bit insensitive at times - girls love to talk things through for hours on end but guys, you mention it more than once and they don't want to discuss it again! My man would like me to have a smaller bottom - I would like my man to more hair! You have given birth to four children and it is not unusual to have excess skin and put on weight. Try and eat a balanced diet with small but regular portions - not necessarily to lose weight but to feel healthy and to prepare yourself for your band operation. Good luck. p.s. - perhaps your husband may be secretly worrying about having a new more confident you and not want you to change - that is not uncommon.
oh don't get a "lap band" that is crazy , you can lose the weight , whatever the "lap band" can do you can do urself , just eat more filling energetic foods cook Rolled Oat Oatmeal, Spaghetti, Lasagna (Stouffer's is good to cook large at once and save and reheat in microwave), Pizza is very nutritious and good vegie alternative (i heat for breakfast many times, better than fast food lines, buy more than one and save to reheat later, Pappa John's etc. better but Tombstone frozen OK for quick), cook Pinto Beans and fry ur own corn tortillas cheaper and better for nachos with beans (jalapenos rev metabolism) , and good for vegetarian diet (which has lots of fiber and very healthy,and beans, rice, and corn or flour tortillas provide complete amino acids)
and contrary to what any "doc" says , it does permanently alter and mess up your stomach and ur body's ability to absorb nutrients properly, and u can still gain weight with over time if don't alter diet anyways permanently, look at Al Roker (weatherman on NBC) and Oprah both ballooning back up again
is ur husband that mean type , i thought was funny on TV when wife said she told husband do these clothes make me look fat , and he said , the fat makes you look fat ! LOL
He either frightened of losing you as you could die from surgery or he is insecure cos when you get thin he will be afraid you run off with someone else due to your new found confidence!!!! Reassure him you won't then ask him again. Tell him you are doing it for yourself and no-one else, you feel unhealthy and ugly and are doing it for your mental as well as physical health. Sounds like he is really insecure and "enjoyed" you being fat because you depend on him as "no-one else would have you when fat"!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck xxx
Judging by the length of your question, I would conclude that you have an obsession with this issue. 'Chill out'. Eat sensibly with a little more gentle exercise. In the meantime 'jump on top', it'll put things back in perspective and will also burn some calories up.
Those types of surgery are for people that are 100 lbs. or more overweight that have tried eating right and exercising without results. You should try eating right and exercising for at least a year before you consider something like this again.
I can't judge your husband as insensitive or not, the only thing you've posted that he has said is that he doesn't want you to change HIS eating habits. Ok, that's not really insensitive, that's just someone that is ok with what they are and don't want change forced on them. YOU are the one that has a problem with your size, if your husband is still having sex with you, it isn't bothering him that much. You should see a counselor along with people to help you with eating right and exercising.