I'm not very smart. How can I make my retainer stop hurting?!

I'm not very smart. How can I make my retainer stop hurting?

I know, I know. Not smart and I deserve it. I haven't worn my retainer in over 3 months and I have a appointment with my denist tomorrow. Any ideas how to stop the pain?

Here is my professional advice, which unlike any of the posters above, I am qualified to give as a licensed dentist:

The maximum amount of force one can put on a tooth safely without risking trauma and injury to the periodontal ligament is 2 ounces.

If that retainer is not fitting, you should NOT jam it back on because that will almost certainly exceed the 2-ounce safety limit. Trauma to the periodontal ligament can destroy your tooth roots through inflammatory root resorption. Don't force it back on, and go back to your dentist tomorrow to see what can be done.