Is a little RESPECT too much to ask for???!
Question: I am trying to figure out how to regain some control of a new relationship. I have noticed that she is becoming distant in some aspects. It is strange because one day she can be so caring and open, and the next day she seems so closed up. It even seems like she may be avoiding me sometimes. She doesn't want to talk on the phone often, and when I text her i can only get 3 or 4 messages out of her. Then she makes up some excuse later about her phone dying or falling asleep. It seems like she doesn't respect my time and effort like I resect hers and it really hurts me. I think she might be taking me for granted, like I will be there no matter what, so its ok to put me on the back burner. Sometimes she seems so into me, and other times it seems like she doesn't care at all. I have confronted her about this, but she says that nothing is wrong. I'm trying to do this in a way that doesn't make me look needy. How can I instill some more respect into her without looking like a jerk??
Answers: I am trying to figure out how to regain some control of a new relationship. I have noticed that she is becoming distant in some aspects. It is strange because one day she can be so caring and open, and the next day she seems so closed up. It even seems like she may be avoiding me sometimes. She doesn't want to talk on the phone often, and when I text her i can only get 3 or 4 messages out of her. Then she makes up some excuse later about her phone dying or falling asleep. It seems like she doesn't respect my time and effort like I resect hers and it really hurts me. I think she might be taking me for granted, like I will be there no matter what, so its ok to put me on the back burner. Sometimes she seems so into me, and other times it seems like she doesn't care at all. I have confronted her about this, but she says that nothing is wrong. I'm trying to do this in a way that doesn't make me look needy. How can I instill some more respect into her without looking like a jerk??
As Magick said, respect is earned. However, that said, it doesn't seem as if she is treating you with the basic respect one would give to a stranger. Does she stand you up when arrangments to get together are a little more firm??? (i.e., "Let's go to a movie tomorrow night. I'll pick you up at 8.") It doesn't sound as if she much cares about you so I'd say it's time to move on.
"Is there some way to scare the respect back into her if necessary?"
Are you serious? SCARE respect into her??? I don't know if I'd respect you either if you're capable of even thinking something like this!
ETA: Re: the scare comment. Thanks for explaining that. Sorry if I sounded a little too harsh. Still...don't play games like giving her a bit of her own medicine. Sit down and talk, explain that you care about her and would like to spend time with her, but if the feeling isn't mutual, make sure she tells you that. If you haven't been seeing each other for that long, it really doesn't sound as if she does care that much. In my experience, new relationships tend to be totally time consuming if both parties are really interested.
Good luck, Mike.
I am sorry but it sounds like the girl is stringing you along. I am an expert at doing this myself unfortunately. If a girl is really into you she will make time to fit you into her life.
You are probably better off at cutting your losses now.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T....find out what it means to me...
The relationship is over.
You never ask for respect, you need to earn it. If the girl treats you like dirt, dump her and move on to another one.
Added:
1 - You cannot give her some of her own medicine. She doesn't care about you the way you care about her, so it will not work.
2 - If you leave her alone she will just assume the relationship is over and move on.
3 - Best thing to do is move on. Find a girl that likes you and that you like.
4 - I am almost 40. I've been through this type of relationship and worse ones. Dump her and move on is the best advice experience can offer.
I'm no expert, but I don't think she honestly likes you that much, from what you said. If I were you, I would find someone else that respects me more.
She's stringing you along bro she only wants you when it suits her give her a taste off her own medicene or else just disown what you have seriously she is a waste off time and your wasting your time chasing her
Mike, Mike, Mike........First of all why would you want to be with someone who you had to "SCARE" into respecting you again (which won't happen anyway)-You are how old?
Please tell her to go take a long walk off a short pier-You can do MUCH MUCH BETTER., and do you NOT want someone who will love and respect you, making your life feel great???-Then ditch her!!!
sounds as if she might have something else going on. im just saying that so don't jump to conclusions, u don't know yet. But it sounds as if she is sneeking around, and not tellling the whole truth about something. If she is being short with you, it sounds as if she is loosing feelings for you. I think you should sit her down and talk to her about it again, but don't accuse her of cheating, just ask her why she is not talking to you, and acting as if she doesn't want to see you. Good luck man. hope all goes well!