I am starting to think suicidal?!
Question: I am starting to think suicidal?
In the holidays I spend my day sleeping, or blogging.
Nothing makes me happy anymore. I want to move away from this town, away from my family and live with my boyfriend. He's the only thing that makes me smile.
I avoid mirrors because I can't stand to look at myself. I cry when I think about my looks.
Some days I know I'm not fat, and then others I look and think I'm too thin. But the negative thoughts weigh out the positive ones and they're taking over my life. When people compliment me, it does the opposite to making me feel better; i feel heaps worse.
I hate talking to people, I just want to be left alone forever.
All I think about constantly is suicide. I've talked to my mum, teachers at school, counsellers, friends and nobody understands. They laugh, think I'm just being stupid and making stuff up for attention or joking and tell me to get over it. It hurts so much because I'm dead serious.
Majority of my school hate me. I feel so alone at school, I am about to burst into tears whenever I'm there and I'm not allowed to change schools.
I can't eat normally. Food makes me want to vomit.
My self esteem is so low i can't go out without makeup on, i even take my makeup to school and take any chance i can to fix it up.
i hate myself so much. i know it's bad but i don't even know how my boyfriend could love me.
i have trust problems and can't confide in anyone anymore because i only ever get backstabbed.
Don't tell me to go see people, I'm past that.
and don't give me rude comments. I'm not being a normal teenager, if i was there'd be a hell of a lot more teen suicides.
I need real advice.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
i read this and it suddenly tuggs at my heart, i am 25, my life has always been hell ( and i really mean it), i have always felt the way you do right now. i have learned to deal with it a bit over the years, however there is always room for improvement. anyways, i read your story, and one detail caught my attention. no matter how bad things get, try to think of the future. you said that thinking of your guy makes you smile, well think of your future with him...think of all the fun things u 2 will do together, but try not to cut. think of the future, you will one day go swimming, or have to wear a tshirt, and the last thing your gonna wanna say is you were stupid when you were younger. i know this, i am now a pool player and if i lift my sleeves, ppl notice, and its not fun, if i could change it i would. so i learned different ways to deal with wanting to cut, one of the best things is taking an ice cube, and rubbing it in the same spot until u feel better, even grab another one till satisfied. find what works for you, but always think of your future, always think of the kids you might have one day, and having them ask you these questions. i really hope this helps a bit, and i really hope things get better for you.
There are so many things in life you’re going to miss out on if you do. I totally understand, but don't. Calm down and think it through. Think about all the people you'll be hurting. Killing yourself won't do anything to help it you will miss out on life. You matter to everybody and you were put on the earth for a reason. Death is not meant for you to pick when. You have a reason to be here just like everyone else and you are very important. Talk to someone you trust.
If you feel suicidal, please call the suicide hotline immediately.
1-800-273-8255
or
1-800-784-2433
http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html
I went through the same thing you are going through, my parents arn't separate but it seemed like it. Its hard now but your boyfriend, your mom, your dad, your family would be devistated if they lost you. You dont want to commit suicide cause thats not the way out. It might be the easy way out but its not right. I always asked why am i going through this, but then i realized i wasnt the only person going through it. i met my best friend when i tried to commit suicide shes been there for me through everything now and i cant thank her enough, so maybe you should just talk to some of the kids at your school or make a group like you can make a support group for kids going through exactly the same thing you are and you can help each other through it. Or maybe you need a wake up call. My parents sent me to a teen mental hospital and it really helped me and i havent had any suicidal thoughts or wanting to cut myself. I dont even know you but i am willing to help you get through this just cause i know how it feels:)
My Own Experience.
You need Jesus Christ. He has given you reason to live. He loves you. He doesn't like watching you or anybody else go through this so go to him. If you do, you'll look back in a couple of years and ask yourself how you even possibly thought of suicide with such a great life. As for school, I know it sucks, but find a way to relate it to the things you like. Hope your situation gets better!
things will get better. trust me, they will. life has it's valleys and peaks. one year from now you may be the happiest person in the world. God is also always there for you. above all, remember this quote, "when you're going through hell, keep going."