what happened to me in the hospital, was it a bad trip?!
Question: What happened to me in the hospital, was it a bad trip?
Here's what happened:
So in the hospital they gave me painkillers all the time, but apparently it seemed that my body didn't react well to them, I wouldn't cure and kept losing weight (my weight was 38 kilos when I left the goddamn place). The nurses were extremely unfriendly, they even scolded at me (like: god the cow is crying again) I was scared that I was gonna die there, so I was crying all the time when I was alone. I know they were undermanned and that intensive care is extremely heavy but wtf, don't become a nurse if you can't cope with stress.
Then they stopped giving me painkillers because of my reaction to them, but they stopped them all at once (so I went from 4 strong painkillers each day to all of a sudden NOTHING) (I think this is the first thing that went completely wrong) Then they moved me to a more quiet place because my situation kept deteriorating. I kept crying there at night and there was this (nice) nurse who told me I should really get some sleep. Eventually he brought me a sleeping pill. I slept bout half an hour, maybe an hour and suddenly I woke up. I was sweaty and extremely anxious. Shadows were coming out of the television and I saw masks moving on the walls. I heard voices and I was 100% convinced that it was the nurses who wanted to kill me. I thought it was a nightmare but when I touched my face, I felt that my eyes were open. I freaked out completely and got out of the bed because I wanted to escape, but I almost fell because I had not relearnt yet how to walk. I realized that I could've fallen on my head so I went back to bed and while panicking I pressed the alarm button. While I was lying in bed again I saw sexual images and they were like everywhere in the room. :S Then a nurse came in and I really don't know what happened, they must've been able to calm me down. I can't remember anything and they didn't tell my parents.
What happened to me? Was this some kind of bad trip like you have with drugs? I'm 100% sure it was not a nightmare. It's been 2 years and I still think of it, sometimes it makes me cry because it was just so intense.
Serious reactions only please, other reactions will be reported.
Answers:
Several things are possible here -- and it may be a combination of them.
First -- You are absolutely right ICU is tough,.. it can be stressful for sure,.. and it is fast paced. That said, NO one belongs there if they can't handle it (doctors or nurses) -- and part of doing their job is not being a jerk, and being humane about things. There isnt' alot that bothers me more than an altruistic job such as a nurse or doctor that is treated poorly and further causes psychological discomfort and pain NEEDLESSLY. I don't allow this, but it is rampant and needs better control.
In that regard, you have justification to feel treated improperly,.. yet it is in the past and you won't ever see the people responsible etc ,.. so you have to just let it be. Talk to a therapist for a few sessions about the experience and it will help you put things in priority and feel like you've sorted it out. (Our brains are funny that way.. we often need to 'work out' emotional questions ..especially those in the past -- just telling someone that actually cares and getting some good advice about it can often really help in settling the score in our heads. )
On to your situation in the hospital --
Well I am assuming you were not sleeping well a majority of the time - which believe me, can be very common in the ICU. I find it more common in patients that are in need of critical care but are very much 'alert' -- you have to remember a lot of patients in the ICU are typically elderly and/or comatose or very close to it.
You also had trauma to the brain -- which was recent.
Lastly you had a new medication introduced to induce sleep (likely a benzodiazepine.. or a close relative) PLUS you had likely a withdrawal effect from the opiates you were taking.
Some combine psychological stress, little sleep, recent brain trauma, an unknown medication, WITH likely withdrawal of another medication (opiate) -- and you get your result.
Add on top of that.. a VERY common phenomenon that is ICU psychosis. It has several names but is VERY real. I've seen it many times. Patients become disoriented, overly anxious, depressed, and can even be psychotic -- sometimes it is limited to auditory and visual hallucination.. and sometimes they can get so stimulated they rip out I.V's, trach's, get out of bed and so on.
You see being put in a strange environment, with nearly ZERO control of anything -- being unable to really turn around and see anything else or shift positions much -- not having familiar faces, sounds, people, foods, activities, and so on around you for any length of time can induce this. This phenomena alone could have caused your reaction, but it is more likely a combination of what I listed above.
Bottom line it happened, it isnt' a pleasant memory -- and I understand why it occasionally reoccurs in your memory it is a very vivid and odd/stressful 'dream-like' nightmarish experience you had in a weird place. While you could have been dreaming, I highly doubt it. It very much likely occurred though what you subjectively experienced may be a bit more intense than what a person would have objectively observed on the outside.
Again, talk to someone about it. Even just a friend, parent, etc that you know will actually care about what you say and is a good listener. Get it off your chest. The biggest thing that is bothering your psyche is whether this was real or not. You won't have any way to absolutely prove that, but you can shift how it makes you feel when you think about it by changing your thought process when it comes up. Again, a good way to start this process is by talking about it to someone you trust. It isn't a big deal, or embarrassing.. actually a fairly interesting story I'm sure.
Take care,
I feel this tense feelings all the time, i could be from a bad trip or a sense of insomnia. I suggest that you get medical treatment right away. But if you havent had an occurent reaction to this trip , than you should be fine. Trust me i have bi polar issues and sometimes feel like im a dysefrenic but it ususally help to talk with a counselour or a friend who understand.I use to be on medications as well and have a difficult time sleeping i suggest drinking calomhile tea at night to soothe your nerves. Dont worry you should be fine. Hope all is well with you. God Bless .
It sounds like you suffered from delusions and hallucinations. This may have been caused by the medication you were given, or [maybe] stress from your surgery? Is it possible that the "nice nurse" gave you a street drug?
Some people have these types of delusions/hallucinations when they come down from drugs and addiction. Look it up on websites that talk about detox. It's very common. Maybe you were coming down and detoxing from the pain meds.
It may also be possible that you had this happen because of your brain surgery?
I'm a mental health practitioner and work with people with chemical dependency.