I want to try and stop smoking?!


Question:

I want to try and stop smoking?

i want to try and stop smoking but i always eat when i have a craving.my friend was trying to stop but she has put just over half a stone on in the last three weeks. i already feel over weight and dont want to get any bigger what shall i do???


Answers:

Why stop?

My friend, it takes willpower to smoke so don't think about giving up so damned easily, your body must be telling you that you need to just go and buy more Marlboro Lights poste haste. You have to really cultivate your habit, just try smoking 15/20 a day to start off and build it back up to a manly 30 or 40. Maybe even take up cigars also and at least consider chewing tobacco.

HOW ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO EXERCISE YOUR LUNGS?

As I said, people with no willpower give up (you have to be committed to the cost, health aspects, bad smell, nasty taste, social ostrisisement etc) and you don't strike me as a wimp.

IT IS BIG AND IT IS CLEVER.

So pull yourself together, stop this ill advised and ridiculous venture into considering non smoking comformity, you would effectively be self harming and that cant be right can it?

NOBODY LIKES A QUITTER.

It will make you ill, you wont sleep, you will be spouting phlegm so for gods sake just do the right thing and keep giving you body what it needs, a nice, smooth, tasty Marlboro, you know it makes sense.

IT HELPS REDUCE UNWANTED PREGNANCIES.

Just picture it in your head, that something to do with your hands, the missing piece of the jigsaw when you have a coffee or a beer, that sweet smooth flavour of American tobacco gently coursing through your lungs and making you feel right again.

BEAR IN MIND THAT IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO RECYCLE TOBACCO - YOU WOULD BE HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT BY NOT SMOKING. ISN'T THAT A LITTLE SELFISH? WE ALL NEED TO DO OUR BIT.

You are right - symptoms of giving up include overeating and snacking on chocolate? That can't be good can it - non smoking is plain unhealthy and we are already a nation of obese people.

SMOKING HELPS REDUCE WEIGHT AS PART OF A CALORIE CONTROLLED DIET. IT ALSO MAKES YOU LOOK HARD.

One final point to make my friend, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow so why are you being such a lightweight. Go and get yourself a beer right now and spark one up, you will feel so much better and this whole nightmare of deliberation will end. In fact, have a few beers because smoking is always allowed if you're drunk. Why conform to the establishment when you could be making a personal statement about your belief in freedom.

Good luck, stop the madness.




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