I have absolutely nothing to look forward to?!

I have absolutely nothing to look forward to?

I live with my parents. Who I hate. I can't afford to move out right now because I don't make enough money in my crappy department store job. I was getting happy and looking forward to moving into an apartment this fall, but then my mom said I can just drive to the college I'm going to during the fall semester. So then that sucked but I thought to myself "oh well, at least I'll be out by winter and in my own apartment". Now my mom plans on forcing me to move in with my sister's best friend who has a 3 year old. Not only do I not like kids, but how am I going to get any of my school work done with a 3 year old in my apartment? The reason I was responsible and didn't have any accidental children is so I wouldn't be in a situation like that. And according to the federal government, my parents make too much money for me to be eligible for enough loan money to pay for the apartment on my own.The program I'm in school for is a hard one that only 16 people get into.

4 weeks ago
... So I can't afford to flunk out. In addition, the reason I hate having to live with my parents right now is because of this: my mom is extremely annoying. Every five minutes, when I am trying to get away from her, she will come find me and start asking me a bunch of questions and nagging me. And it never stops, she just keeps thinking of things and coming back to nag some more every 20 minutes or so around the clock. My dad is abusive and a load mouth. Need I say more? He is inconsiderate and is extremely loud and obnoxious and talks load and plays guitar crappily and incessantly while I am trying to study. If I say something he just says "**** you, this is my house".

My mom also reads all my mail, found my diary and read it when I was stupid enough to keep one, and she gets into all my stuff. All of it. I mean there is nothing in my room that she hasn't gotten into. She cleans the house up and down all the time so I can't hide anything... she always finds it.

4 weeks ago
And also, I have social phobia and anxiety, so going to my job everyday is hell... And I don't have any friends because of the social phobia so I really have no way to "get away from it all" I can't take any vacation away from my parents and my crappy life because I don't have any money and even if I did I don't have any friends to go anywhere with. It seems like everyone is in a better situation than me and I can't take this anymore. Most of the time I wish I was dead or woke up and was somebody else. I don't understand why I have to have severe social phobia and how I got stuck with the most controlling parents in the world. Even when I get my degree, if I can even make it through school with severe anxiety and living with a 3 year old, Most of the CLT jobs require you to draw blood... and that is something that I am not willing to do everyday. I can't be around people hardly at all. My anxiety is just to severe. I could never be happy that way.

4 weeks ago
And it seems like most jobs in the world today, aside from the super hard scientist and research jobs that I don't have the finances to get through the schooling or the academic aptitude for, are people oriented. I want to just give up, but giving up won't get me anywhere either so I'm just paralyzed. I don't know if things will ever get better for me and everything I foresee within the next three years is hell.

4 weeks ago
Also for what I'm going for the median annual earnings is only 30,000 a year so its not like I'll have unlimited amounts of money. But its really the only job I could find that the schooling wasn't over my head and it was still minimal contact with people.

How I'm coping now: avoiding my parents as much as possible, and dosing myself with citalopram and kava root. I know its not healthy but I don't really care about myself. I'm smothering here locked in chains.

My parents pulled this same crap with my sister, and the way she finally got away from it was to meet a guy and move in with his mom, which since I have bad social phobia probably won't happen for me anytime soon.

When I was in college I worked at dominos pizza delivering. I made great money and they were flexible in my schedule. It would be a great summer job even if you only do it part time. Plus you could get out of the house more, Your possible roomate with a child could be a blessing...try it and see how it goes.