Intursive thoughts - feel suicidal?!
Question:
Intursive thoughts - feel suicidal?
I have not told anyone about this, not even a doctor or psychiatist etc... But all my life i have had horrible thoughts. THey started off when i was little, really stupid things when i look back on it like eating horrible things! THese annoyed me at the time but i assumed other people had such thoughts. Over the years, these thoughts have got worse and worse. Now they are so disgusting that I end up pulling my hair and burying my face in my pillow! I can't go on with these thoughts...the wrost involve incest and violence... i feel sick even saying that! Sometimes i just want to kill myself and put an end to it all. The thing is I am a normal person - very outgoing and social with lots of friends. But nobody knows this. And its killing me!
I don't want to go see a doctor / psychiatrist because i cant tell them what the thoughts are as they are so repulsive!!
It's only after a bit of research on here i have discovered that I may have OCD. COuld this also be linked to the fact I'm always paranoid about getting cancer etc... (hypochondirac!)
I don't understand! I've always taken risks in life (e.g going skydiving soon) but I get extremely anxious about diseases etc!
I really need some advice, what can i do to get rid of these thoughts!?
One which in particular makes me feel sick is i get a though during masturbation/sexual activity - despite me being absolutely disgusted it makes me ejaculate extremely quickly! I know for a fact i do not like any of these thoughts! I am not homosexual, a paedophile etc... but why this!?
Does anyone else have the same problems?!?! Please help.
I'm only 17 by the way.
Answers:
it probably just turns you on because you know its wrong, and thats fine, its natural, and nobody else will tell you that its normal, but it is. I know you don't want to, but if you told a counselor, they would tell you how normal it was.