im on the verge of killing myself?!

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I'm so sorry. Just reading about your pain makes me cry, I understand it so well. I have been on opiates for 10 years (I'm 27)because I don't have any other options, I had a disability and went to the doctors and got an addiction. Over the years I have stopped the meds various times and always went right back to them out of desperation, amongst many other things I've done out of desperation (including suicide attempts) and it's not the answer. Getting clean is hard, detox centers are best if its severe, if it's not then lay on a couch and sweat it out~ which sucks and blows. I've also heard a lot of people are taking suboxone and that helps but it is another addiction. However you choose to get through it the biggest part is staying sober after. I know it was hard for me to think about things this way when I was facing withdrawals but that's why I'm telling you now from a different place, I wish I had made the effort worthwhile. Good luck and I am so sorry for the pain you are in.

one hell of a $#1^ty life.

Look here man, your 19 its still time for a new life, try to change, and you start by quitting drugs, drugs is the middle of everything

Admitting you need help is always a good start. Now you need to DO something about it. If you want help, you need to do it yourself. Friends/family/people can give you all the advice and encouragement you need but at the end of the day its YOU who needs to take the initiative. You need to get yourself out of that situation, You need to tell yourself to not take drugs, and only You can make the decisions in your life towards having a better future.

It's sad that you're going through this at such a young age, but it's also at the age where men do feel down and out. The best thing to do is find someone who can help you like a therapist. It may seem silly now, or useless, but I've seen many guys who have gone through this stage of their lives and feel exactly how you described. Finding someone who has experience is the best way, mostly because they can give you the advice you need, rather than the advice you need to hear from other people.

Don't give up hope. You may feel like everything is too depressing at the moment and all you want to do is end it, but the fact of the matter is, if you really wanted to die you would have allowed it to happen with success. The fact that you're alive means that you, or someone around you, thinks that you should still live for something.

Don't give up. Look at a brighter side to things, if you want something then why not go for it? Don't just let something bad that's happened get to you, resolve it or try and mend the problem, or even move on to better things. Work on getting out of that town to somewhere better, or work to getting a job and a new flat, anything that makes you work to move forward.

Best of luck hun, xx

You need to pull yourself together and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Hell you're 19 and a musician. About time you used some of the energy that you are wasting on self pity to try and create something positive.
Only you can take control of your life. You need to start taking responsibilty for yourself and stop giving your mother so much grief.
Hate is a complete waste of energy. Hating yourself is just self pity.
I have no desire to be nice to you or pussyfoot around. You are in control of your life and only you can change how you feel and what you do with your life. You have to go out and get it, it won't come to you.
Stop doing drugs, that is just totally destructive. creativity is the other end of the seesaw.

At 19 years of age, your life should be just beginning. Many people have been where you are now and emerged a happy and productive member of society. First thing you MUST do, to start getting your life into order, is get into a substance abuse program, whether it be inpatient or outpatient. There are toll-free phone numbers in the Yellow Pages under "drug abuse" or "substance abuse" or "mental health"....speak to a counselor over the phone and they will steer you in the right direction. Don't worry about money or insurance...you will find a rehab program to help you. I'm telling you, once you get into a program, it will change your life. But, of course, only if you want it to.

I'm certainly not here to judge you. I've been in similar situations (more than once) but I do feel like I have my head on straight now. The drugs will drag you down to rock bottom. It sounds like you have already been there, but you haven't. You can always get your GED then a better job, etc, but you just have to get this drug thing under control.

Yes, you DO need help and I sure hope you get it soon. Good luck to you. I care...