How do I let go a painful past without killing myself?!


Question: How do I let go a painful past without killing myself?
This is long but I thank you for reading. It is the most painful thing in my life and I need help to escape the pain that consumes my life.

I have worked very hard to be where I am because I had to do it alone. Since I was young, my family has never treated me well and has blamed me for everything that has gone wrong, including the death of my mom 5 years ago. I am now 24, and since the age of 17 I have had to live on my own and put myself through college. I lived on my own because I was thrown out of the family. My mother hated me and told lies about me to everyone. She tried to kill me twice and turned the family against me to the point where I was not allowed at home anymore.

My younger sisters get treated very well and can verbally abuse me and tell lies about me, making me out to be the bad sister. My father agrees with them and usually just passively lets the blame fall on my shoulders. When he is doing badly he will blame me too. My family covers up the abuse to my aunts and uncles. They cover it up enough to make it seem like maybe it is my fault, and they are trying to be as civil as they can to a monster. My aunts do not know enough and when I've tried to tell them, they console me superficially and continue to exclaim how wonderful my dad and sisters are. In other words, they sweep it under the rug and go with the show.

I have done so much for my family despite their ill treatment of me. Some times I thought the good things I did would turn their perception of me around, but I always did well for them mainly because I thought they needed help - after my mom died, especially. My mom died 2 years after I was thrown out. My dad told me I needed to come back home to help out and I immediately said yes. They continued to treat me like a monster and my dad never did anything to stop them. When I helped them enough to get their feet on the ground, my dad turned on me and treated me like a monster again as well.

No matter what I do, I am to blame for everything. They paint me as a monster but I've never hurt anyone, not physically or with words. I have never said a bad thing about them yet they treat me at best as not cool (in front of others) and at worst, like I am the scum under their shoes.

The way they have perceived me my entire life makes me feel flawed, even though I know I am a good person. It makes me feel crazy some times because I doubt somewhere in the corner of my mind that I really am a bad person. I know rationally that this isn't true but the wounds are still there, and they hurt. I try to avoid my family as much as possible because when I am around them, I doubt myself to the point of wanting to commit suicide.

My little brother's wedding was this weekend. He treats me okay but has never once stuck up for me when the rest of the family treats me bad and speaks horribly of me. I was part of the wedding party, and so was my little sister. She told the whole wedding party beforehand what a terrible person I was. For the whole two days none of the bridesmaids would talk to me. The only person I knew that I could talk to was one of the groomsmen, the one I was paired up with. My sister knew this and flirted with him the whole time so I wouldn't have someone to feel comfortable around. She eventually got him to dance with her instead of me for the couples dance and take all of the pictures with her instead of me. By the end of the two days, he would not talk to me either. At the wedding reception none of the bridal party would talk with me. I had to sit at the table high above everyone else by myself as everyone turned their backs. My relatives sat below me and my immedate family in front of me. Nobody came up to say hello. Everyone avoided talking to me. It was one of the most mortifying events of my life.

I just want to kill myself because I feel like I can't escape how awful my family makes me feel. I have tried praying about it every day, but sometimes the feelings are too overwhelming and it feels like suicide is the only answer. What can I do to let go of the past?

Answers:

I think what you need to do here is cut ties with your family. They are obviously horrible people that aren't benefiting you one bit. Those that are kind to you should stay in your life but anyone who treats you wrongly should be cast out of your life.
Your family isn't going to change and all they will continue to do is drive you towards depression and suicide.
I think you should move somewhere and give yourself a new start. Make friends that your family won't be able to talk to and start a new life.
It looks to me like your family is a disease and the only way to cure it is to cut it off.

I really hope you figure things out and become happy.
You don't deserve to be tortured the way you have been and I hope you realize that and see that your family is full of scum.



It would be a good idea to seek out a psychologist to help you sort through your feelings, and understand what exactly the root of your family's hate is, and help you understand that you are NOT the cause of everything they feel is wrong.

Simply the fact that you've made it this far in life without their support is something to be proud of, and you should realize that hateful people will only bog and slow you down. Remember that this is your life, and you can make of it whatever you choose. You've made it this far, why stop now?



DO NOT KILL YOURSELF!!!!! If you do you would have wasted your whole life and make your family happy which they don't deserve to be after treating you like that!!! You need to move away, and avoid all contact with your family. I know your probably thinking, but they are my family. Real family doesn't treat each other like that though! Your only 24, you still can get a good job, make new friends who you call your family, find a bf, get married, and have your own kids and family. I bet there is at least 1 person who cares about you, maybe not your family but someone else who is actually nice to you! Just think about the whole life you have a head of you, don't look to the past look to the future. If there's something that makes you happy go to do, if it's ice cream eat a gallon of ice cream! If it's roller coasters, ride the ******* superman at Six Flags!!! Enjoy yourself and leave for awful family behind, it's for the better!




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