How can I keep my grandfather alive??? I think he is dying!?!


Question:

How can I keep my grandfather alive??? I think he is dying!?

He is 67yrs old and he was a very active man before he got really sick. He was diagnosed with two cancerous brain tumors. After his brain surgery he changed completely. He has trouble speaking, and his legs are kind of weak. He needs diapers and he has become a little careless about his hygiene. I take care of my grandparents and the only thing that my grandfather does everyday is wake up eat sit on the couch sleep, eat, talk for a few minutes, sleep, eat. sleep. He is sickof his heart too... he had 3 had attacks 10yrs ago and he is veyr lucky ot be alive. I dont want him to deteriorate!!! what can i do? make him walk everyday so that he could get strength in his legs??? diet to make him less heavy for his heart??? i talk with him... but he falls asleep everywhere anywhere!!! what can i do??? i dont want to see him die!!! i know thats life but in the mean while..what am i supposed ot do? just there and watch him sleep his life away???


Answers:

Your grandparents are very fortunate to have your concern and care. You will not regret the time and energy you devote to them. There are some things you can do.

Being a family caregiver is a big job! This is true whether you are a "live with your your elderly grandparents" caregiver or whether you are caring from "long-distance." Your care for your elderly grandfather who is in poor health is admirable and there may be some things you can do to help enhance the quality of life he enjoys. The first step is to find resources that might help you and your grandmother get some answers now and that will help you "keep caring" if their living situation becomes more challenging.

The first stop for information about resources that can help you is your local Area Agency on Aging serving the county where you live. These organizations know how to listen to seniors and their family members. They can provide guidance and advice that may be of great help to you and your grandparents. You can call 1-800-677-1116 toll free to find out the phone number of the local Area Agency on Aging office. When you call the Area Agency office, ask for the person who provides "Information and Assistance" or "Help for Family Caregivers." If you make this call, I am confident that you will find friendly and helpful people.

It's important to know that Area Agencies on Aging aren't selling a particular service, "insurance plan" or other product. The information you'll receive will come from people who talk to seniors and families every day and who will provide you objective information about options.

When you talk with the folks at the Area Agency on Aging ---you should ask about services that might be available to you as a family caregiver. Also ask about available in-home services that may be needed for your grandparents now or in the future. These services are for the seniors' benefit as well as for family caregivers like you.

Really, your grandfather is actually "not that old." And he was active before he was sick, so that should be a plus health wise. Obviously he has gone through a lot of trauma--many times older people in situations like this suffer from depression--and it sounds like he has a lot of the symptoms. Getting exercise--even if it means doing simple exerercises while siting the chair--is essential. Walking is also very good--set goals and then work to exeed them day-by day. Adjusting his favorite recipes so that he is eating healthful foods is important--talk to a dietitian--the Area Agency on Aging would have one who consults

What is essential is finding ways to keep your grandfather engaged in life. You and your family must do this if you want to keep him alive and living in a quality way for the time he has left. Take him on outings, go to church, plan small celebrations with friends at home, Help him find something to look forward to. Remind him--and yourself--of what he can do and find something--anything-- that he can do that will help others in some way. Maybe it is visiting a hospital in his wheelchair to visit friends. Maybe it is going to the local senior center to help dish out meals, set the table, help with a mailing or see friends. Everyone absolutely needs to be needed in this world in some way. Your mission is to find the something that will connect your grandfather to others.

You might feel discouraged at first. Yet, if someone in your grandfather's situation finds a reason to live and be needed--and gets a lot of help, support and encouragement from family and friends--miracles can happen! (I've seen them!)

Another important thing comes to mind--often seniors' medications cause difficulties and need adjusting. Often the need to review and adjust medications is overlooked by busy health professionals. Sometimes medications prescribed adversely interact with foods in the diet or over-the-counter medications. This medication issue could be one reason why your grandfather is sleeping so much and may be contributing to his incontinence.

You and your grandmother need to confer with the doctors and pharmacists. Describe the problems your grandfather is experiencing--in fact, keep a log of his activities so that when medications are adjusted, you can more clearly see his responses. Also, confer with the nurses, dietitian and physical therapist(s) at the hospital. Many times these people are less busy and better able to listen to concerns about a family-members' health,

If you find that you and your grandmother need more help at home to deal with your grandfather's needs, talk to your Area Agency on Aging. In many places, in-home services are available on a "cost share" basis and the costs of needed services are based on the seniors' income or assets. If your grandparents are very low income and have significant needs that puts one or both of them at risk of going to a nursing facility--(your grandfather might be in this situation) --you should ask the Area Agency on Aging folks if the state where you live has something called a "Medicaid waiver." If the state has a Medicaid program that covers individuals with disabilities and or frail elders, there may be Medicaid funding to pay toward in-home care. State governments are coming to realize the importance of having in-home services--with the involvement and support of family caregivers--as an option in the funding of services needed by frail older Americans.

It is true that we all say goodbye to our grandparents at some point, yet, there are things that you, as a caring granddaughter can do that might lead to improvements--if not in health, but in quality of your grandfather's life experience. Your grandfather--and your grandmother---need you now more than ever. Be there for them and be an advocate for them with health professionals. Ask other family members to help you and them. If you don't ask the questions and be the "spark plug" for your grandfather, it won't happen. If the medical folks give you bad news, decide if you are going to believe it or not and keep being positive and caring no matter what!

Take care of yourself and make sure your grandmother takes care of herself, too. Hang onto the Hope!

If after calling your Area Agency on Aging, you like the help that you receive, let your county elected officials know and tell your members of Congress. Area Agencies don't have big budgets--in fact appropriations for most services funded under the Older Americans Act have not increased significantly in 25 years! You will not be charged for the information you receive, however, any financial contribution you or your family might make for the time and assistance devoted to your situation would be very welcomed--and would go toward helping more of your older friends and neighbors and their caregivers.

I hope this helps. Thanks for a great question and for caring! Best wishes to you, your grandparents and your family! I will be praying for all of you!




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