I want to cut so bad...?!


Question: I want to cut so bad...?
I want to cut myself so bad...the last little while has been hell...I'm counting the days on my wall...I just feel so trapped. Not cutting has made me emotional, like my emotions are out of control and they don't know what to do. I want to cut so bad my body aches.

When my sister found out I cut she was devastated...the look in her eyes I will never forget. And whenever I have cut since...she always finds out somehow...but I guess I'm not surprised. She recently gave me a black onyx ring...and the only finger it fits on is my ring finger (left). I always wear it, whenever I want to cut I'll see it, but it's not nearly enough. It's torn us apart.

I'm living with my sister (one mentioned above) and my madrastra. When my madrastra found out, I don't know what was going on in her head, but she took everything sharp away from me, and yelled at me and everything. It was horrible. She eventually went online (idiot) and looked up teen cutters. She stopped taking away my sharp things, but all she does now is make fun of me for it. She doesn't get the danger, she thinks it's stupid, and she says it like I'm a little kid. She says I'm an idiot and I have no life.

Scissors...knifes..needles...whatever they're all around...but so is my sister and I can't bear to hurt her again and this stupid ring on my finger...I'm still depressed (despite my efforts not to be) and my madrastra refuses beyond all else to take me and get diagnosed for depression or bipolar disorder... and she also refuses to take me to a therapist...but I have no idea what to do, everything that is triggering my urge to cut just won't go away and I'm constantly wanting to cut. But what should I do?

Answers:

Hey You : )

Aww. Poor you! You are having a really hard time and not getting much support for it. Im so glad that you love your sister so much that it makes you think twice before cutting.

Sometimes people react in ways that arent helpful or supportive (like yelling, or taking away all sharp objects) because they are frightened and dont know about self harm or how to help.
Its good that she looked up self harm on the internet and got some information.

However, we still need to get some support for you, so you don't have to feel so overwhelmed with all these painful emotions you are going through.

Id like to share some websites with you that i know are very suportive and understand both self harm and suicidal feelings, so you dont have to be worried about them over reacting to anything you say.

Have a look at an award winning UK charity website called Cybermentors.org.uk
You can sign up for free and then chat to trained mentors your own age in a chatroom about general worries and, if you would like, you can ask for a qualified adult counsellor to message you.
You can have a private chat (in a private chatroom) with the counsellor about your feelings and self harm.
Its all free, totally confidential and is set up for people age 11- 18.
There are also other people like yourself on there who you can have a laugh with and become friends with who understand : )
PS the general chatroom is moderated so any unsupportive idiots get booted : )

There is also Samaritans and Childline. They have really lovely counsellors who can be on your team and help you talk through these feelings. Its all confidential and you dont have to tell your parents. And you dont have to be suicidal to call or email them. Just start off by saying something like "Im having a hard time...' or even copy and paste what you wrote here, and email them. Theyll help you from there.

I think you are brilliant for being smart enough to look for some support for you and you are so lovely for being sensitive enough to care about the feeling of your family. These are great qualities for you to have and you deserve to be happy!

Hope this is helpful

Take care

Daisy ; )



I can relate, back in my highschool years I used to be pretty miserable and for reasons unknown I was drawn to inflicting physical pain and scars from cutting burning and stabbing my hands and arms. I grew out of it after a while. I almost did it subconsciously, I never once stopped and thought about what I was doing. Maybe if you're like me what you need is something to preoccupy yourself with, like a hobby.

Read a book, if you're into fantasy you might enjoy The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. If you've never read books before, give it a try, it's one of those things that you never know until your actually try. Much like having a hobby in itself, if you don't currently have anything you enjoy to do with the exception of cutting try experimenting a little.

Of course, I don't mean experimenting with new forms of inflicting pain on yourself or drugs.



Just start trying to love yourself .

Go to a Church or Temple depending on your faith.

Devote yourself to good things like Socially Useful project works

Start singing or dancing or painting or playing etc. so as to stay preoccupied and focused on something constructive.

Do not keep yourself lonely . Stay with friends and relatives .
Remove mirrors from your room
Listen to soft music




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