How Would You Tell Your Spouse????!

Question: Hi,
Recently my husband told me that he was watching porn and found some dominatrix type stuff and said he was very turned on by it. I was like ok but then he says he wants me to be like that. I am all up for new things and i did try it with him but its just not my thing. I don't understand the satisfaction one gets from being humiliated, whipped, gagged etc....
I love my husband dearly and i would hate to hurt his feelings but how do i tell him i'm not interested in engaging in his sexual fantasies without wrecking our sex life?
Normally i wouldn't mind but he wants me to use his mouth as an ashtray when i smoke and wants me to put on a dirty pair of shoes so he can lick them clean, and all this just grosses me out and i've been doing it to satisfy him but it does nothing for me at all and i just want to be able to tell him in a nice way that doesn't offend or close the door for new things later.
Any Ideas on what i can do here?

Answers: Hi,
Recently my husband told me that he was watching porn and found some dominatrix type stuff and said he was very turned on by it. I was like ok but then he says he wants me to be like that. I am all up for new things and i did try it with him but its just not my thing. I don't understand the satisfaction one gets from being humiliated, whipped, gagged etc....
I love my husband dearly and i would hate to hurt his feelings but how do i tell him i'm not interested in engaging in his sexual fantasies without wrecking our sex life?
Normally i wouldn't mind but he wants me to use his mouth as an ashtray when i smoke and wants me to put on a dirty pair of shoes so he can lick them clean, and all this just grosses me out and i've been doing it to satisfy him but it does nothing for me at all and i just want to be able to tell him in a nice way that doesn't offend or close the door for new things later.
Any Ideas on what i can do here?

Sweetheart, one of the golden rules in every relationship is that you only do sexually what both of you enjoy doing, not one of you but both of you.

This dominatrix scenario you obviously find distasteful (I must admit I would not do it either) so therefore you must tell him it turns you off and you do not wish to engage in it, he will appreciate your honesty rather than letting him think you like doing it.

Tell him you love him and enjoy making love him but this is a step to far, and you don`t like it

I would tell him that it isn't your thing, but maybe together you 2 can come up with something else to add a little "spice". It doesn't have to be domineering to be satisfying.

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Maybe think of some ideas of your own. His sound pretty gross.

ok...why would you want to lick the bottom of a dirt shoe..you can get diseases...tell him do dont like that

Flags, flags, flags.........see the flags?
This does sound disgusting and unhealthy. Be sweet and tell him that you don't like degrading him, that it has a negative effect on you.
This very well could be the beginning of the end. Sorry

get super drunk and it might not be so bad.

I think the best way is to just tell him what you told us. Make sure you are gentle and loving, and most of all understanding. I wouldn't apologize as you did nothing wrong. I would tell him I'm sorry that he feels bad I don't want to indulge, and that I understand he must be disappointed, but I just can't do it. Be direct, simple, and wait until he's calm and nothing is bothering him. From experience, when he first comes home is a really bad time to talk to a man about anything. Best of luck. btw: I can't stand it either. It doesn't seem very loving.
peace

You let your husband watch porn? No offense, but you two don't sound very in love. If you were, he would have no reason to look up porn for he would be more than satisfied with you. If you were in love, he wouldn't care about what turned him on, he would want to satisfy you as much as he could. And, you guys seem to care about sex too much..

sit him down and tell him, i dont think it will ruin things , if you are comfortable with him watching the porn he can get his kicks from that then have a normal sex life with you maybe???

wow thats some f'ed up stuff he wants to do.. a little weird! i would definately try to find something different.

If you are so grossed out give it one more try. When hes licking the bottom of your dirty shoe or having you use his mouth like an ashtray turn around and start gagging like you are going to throw up. Go to the bathroom and act like your going to puke, then when he seems concerned for you tell him as much as you would like to satisfy his fantasy it makes you sick to your stomache. I bet he will never ask you to do it again. That will kill the moment for him and he probably wont want to go thru that again. Then suggest some different things like watching non-dominatrix porn together and acting out some of the things they do. Ask him if he has other fantasys you can act out... although that may be opening something else you dont want to do. Good luck

By the way there is nothing wrong with your man watching porn, all men do... doesnt mean hes not in love with you... just means hes a real man. I used to hate my man watching porn then I got used to it and just started watching it with him. Its alot of fun when we watch it together...

Hey Wishmaster girl. I like your attitude about watching porn. Have fun, your ole-buddy Bob xoxoxoxo

Just sit him down and be honest with him, that is all you can do, suggest some other ideas and im sure he will come around to your way of thinking x

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How Would You Tell Your Spouse????!

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