Sexless Relationship?!
Question: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. When we first got together we were having intercourse multiple times daily. Then after 6 months it died down to 3 times a week, then down to 1 time a week, currently I'm lucky if he makes love to me once every 6 weeks. I thought that it was generally the woman who's sex drive fades. I though men were all a bunch of Horn Dogs who wanted it all the time. He won't even let me give him oral sex anymore, which totally freaks me out cause what guys turns that down?
I'm the one who initiates it everytime, and he always tells me no, complaining about one ailment or another sometimes if he knows I'm horny that day he will start with the "Oh my knees/back/shoulders/hips/head/belly hurts" the only time he is interested in having sex with me it's because he's been drinking and that makes me feel so dirty like I'm only pretty to him when he's drunk. When I try talking to him about this he says I take it to personally.
Answers: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. When we first got together we were having intercourse multiple times daily. Then after 6 months it died down to 3 times a week, then down to 1 time a week, currently I'm lucky if he makes love to me once every 6 weeks. I thought that it was generally the woman who's sex drive fades. I though men were all a bunch of Horn Dogs who wanted it all the time. He won't even let me give him oral sex anymore, which totally freaks me out cause what guys turns that down?
I'm the one who initiates it everytime, and he always tells me no, complaining about one ailment or another sometimes if he knows I'm horny that day he will start with the "Oh my knees/back/shoulders/hips/head/belly hurts" the only time he is interested in having sex with me it's because he's been drinking and that makes me feel so dirty like I'm only pretty to him when he's drunk. When I try talking to him about this he says I take it to personally.
It's important to you, so yes it's important to this relationship. If he's not meeting your needs, I'd say it's time to wake him up. If he's not interested, there's a reason and you have the right to know it.
You could continue on as you are, and have a sexless relationship if you can deal with that. If not, it's probably time to ask yourself whether you should look elsewhere for someone who can meet your needs in a relationship. The classic Dan Savage (an advice columnist) answer to this would be DTMFA: Dump The Mother-F****r Already. He's not pleasing you, and it sounds like he's not trying to make you feel better about it. If he doesn't want to start talking about it and make it better, let him know you won't stick around to be treated so poorly :(
tell him you need it, when he gets home from work as soon as the door shuts pull his pants down and please him right there and then say its your turn. that or get a toy and use it in front of him, demand it girl, lol
I understand how you feel and I too would take it personally if my husband didn't respond to me sexually. Maybe your boyfriend has some thing that is blocking him mentally that keeps him from having sex as frequently as he used to with you. I have learned that with men sometimes it is something deep in their minds that can make that happen with them.
well my advise is that you should not ask him for sex until he does!
like let him come to you for this, other then you going to him, dont show him your intrest for sex, and that might make him want it.
It is personal. And it points to something not right, from stress, depression etc etc to another envolvement.
How you deal with this depends very much on what your instinct says. The fact that acohol loosens him up, could point to somesort of stress, or depression or work, or even feeling not good enough to be able to perform.
if you love him make sure he's not depressed coz that will affect his drive, sometimes work stress kills my mood, but he should want to fix this, if he wont' get help then that sucks but a sexless relationship is like death. if I wasn't interested in regular sex i'd wonder what was wrong coz i have a very high sex drive and need it regularly, so do most guys
How old is your boyfriend? Men should not lose their drives at a young age, unless their is something medically wrong with him. I almost would ask if there were someone else, but even with that, I would think he would still want it from you if he could get it, because that is just how most men are! Maybe you could try couple's counseling? If not, you really should think about getting out, because most times one person is not being taken care of, the next thing to happen is you will find yourself cheating on him.
You need to find out if he has a physical or psychological reason for not wanting sex. His ding-a-ling may not be in proper working order. In that case he needs to see a doctor, it could be serious.
He may be depressed..Depression can kill the sex drive.
Is he on any medication..Again ED can be caused or be a side effect of certain meds.
Or he may be getting it servrced elsewhere.
The only way you will know is by frank open discussion.
His not wanting sex is not normal.
A good sex life is very important in a relationship; It helps unify a couple.
And is a symbol of their unity.
If this is not resolved you should deny him sex when he is drunk.
Not good...honestly. My last bf was the SAME way...every 6-8 weeks and me initiating. We're no longer together. I've been with my bf now for 10 months and it's still at 4 times a week. This doesn't sound good at all. All you can do is try to talk to him again but I'd start to think about moving on. If the attraction isn't there it isn't there...nothing you can really do about it but move on and find someone that IS attracted to you.
i have had this same problem.........do you think he might be cheating on you and getting it from somewhere else????? i would pay attention to what hes doing and do a little snooping.........or maybe you should just leave for a while show him what life is like without you then he will learn (if he really does love you) what it its like for you not to be there
It isn't just women who have hormonal imbalances, men can too. I would ask him if he was willing to go to the doctor and have his hormone levels checked. Or he could be depressed. See if he would be willing to work on the problem. If he refuses to go see a doctor and he thinks that the two of you don't have a problem then maybe you should reconsider the relationship. The fact that he wouldn't try to fix the situation shows that he doesn't really care about the relationship.
Personally I would be offended if I were to be in that position. Maybe he's just tired from work or stressed out with some problems. Talk to him again and really explain to him your needs and that you want to feel how you used to feel when you were together. There has to be something wrong. If talking doesn't work then hey sex isn't everything. Give him some time to come around and hopefully everything will work out the way you want. Good luck.
maybe, just stop asking him about it for a while. dont even bring up the subject. just when your around the house, wear something cute, even like a little langere nightgown with a rob or something and have makeup and such on. then when he see's you, just act as if it was any other day. just simply say hi, and continue with what your doing.
hope all goes well
ok I WOULD take it personally if i were you. I mean if someone is that into you from the beginning and it starts to die off after only as short 2 years thats not really a good sign... I wouldnt like it if my boyfriend would only give me attention if he was drunk...
I kow you've been togeather for 2 years but have you thought of moving on? Im sure it was great while it lasted but he doesnt seem like the type of person many people would want for long periods of time...
Its not healthy for you either, im sure your goregeous, so you shouldnt have to take blows to your self esteem because your man is a jerk... especially if he says your taking it personally... i mean how would you not?
You always have the option to find someone who will make you happy in and out of the bedroom....
if you want him to talk about whats going on just straight out ask how his day was, what people are up to. Rub his back... it relaxes people usually and they become more prone to venting...
Good luck.
tell him what you need, what you want. if he realizes how you feel all about this then he will have sex with you and do those other things
know how you feel. would like sex more than omced a week of a month, you have to lay in the bed beside them and get nothing out of it sucks. thats how affairs get started. then they ask why you do it. he my be doing that lack of a sex drive in a male is unusal