How to cope at a funeral...?!!
Question: How to cope at a funeral!.!.!.!?!
My uncle died yesterday!. He was my favorite uncle and lived with my mom, dad, and me when I was young!. I am so heartbroken b/c it was a sudden and unexpected death!. I am so distraught and now, another thought has occurred to me!.!.!.!.I remember him being full of life, laughing, throwing me in the air, all the stuff an uncle should do!. But now, I have to see him lying in a casket, cold, blue, and him not being there!.
Going to the funeral is NOT an option b/c my family seriously frowns on missing a funeral and not showing your respects!.!.!.!.but HOW do I cope with seeing him like that!? I can't just sit in the sanctuary with my eyes closed! Any advice would help greatly! I have been to many funerals before, but he was more of a dad than my dad was and I am terrified!.!.!.I DON'T want to remember him like that!!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Going to the funeral is NOT an option b/c my family seriously frowns on missing a funeral and not showing your respects!.!.!.!.but HOW do I cope with seeing him like that!? I can't just sit in the sanctuary with my eyes closed! Any advice would help greatly! I have been to many funerals before, but he was more of a dad than my dad was and I am terrified!.!.!.I DON'T want to remember him like that!!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I'm sorry kiddo!.
I know that this will not be easy to deal with!.
He will look like he is resting, which he is now!.
Only his body is there, not who he was!.!.!. and you have to remember that when looking at him!. Its just his shell!. Not his personality or his quirkiness or his fun traits!.
After the funeral, maybe you can look through photos of him and remember things that make you smile!.
Why not ask people for photos and stories and make a scrapbook of all the memories!? That way you can always look back on that!.
Also, try to distract your self at the funeral by talking to people!. You don't have to hang about his casket!. Nor do you have to look at him!.
Let your mom know that it really bothers you to see him that way!. Let her know you will go to pay your respects and say good bye to him, but that you'd rather not be near the casket!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
I know that this will not be easy to deal with!.
He will look like he is resting, which he is now!.
Only his body is there, not who he was!.!.!. and you have to remember that when looking at him!. Its just his shell!. Not his personality or his quirkiness or his fun traits!.
After the funeral, maybe you can look through photos of him and remember things that make you smile!.
Why not ask people for photos and stories and make a scrapbook of all the memories!? That way you can always look back on that!.
Also, try to distract your self at the funeral by talking to people!. You don't have to hang about his casket!. Nor do you have to look at him!.
Let your mom know that it really bothers you to see him that way!. Let her know you will go to pay your respects and say good bye to him, but that you'd rather not be near the casket!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
My condolences!. I'm very sorry to hear about your uncle!.
I don't really know what to say that might help without sharing my personal experiences with you and telling what I've learned!. I hope you don't mind my indulgence, as I hope it can help you!.
I was very close to both my grandparents!. They're both gone now, and their funerals were some of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life!. Knowing that this was the last time I'd see them, and not wanting to remember a corpse in a box when the person I knew and loved was so much more, was very hard!. It was also hard trying to keep my composure with everyone else around!. In fact, at my grandmother's funeral, I totally lost it!. I didn't feel a bit bad for it, either!. One of the people I loved most in the world had died and I was just going through what I should!.
What I can tell you from experience is that I don't remember either of these people who I loved more than anyone else as dead bodies in a casket!. When I think of them, what I remember are the times we shared!. Like holidays and the private moments that I wouldn't trade anything for!. I still love them deeply!.
Funerals are there for the living, to give you a chance to say goodbye!. They're sad, and often encourage the sadness to draw it out of everyone, to confront you with the pain and loss you feel deep down!. It hurts, but it's something you should acknowledge and the sooner you do, paradoxically, the sooner you'll start to feel better and come to terms with your loss!. Funerals are about dragging these painful emotions out of you so you can experience them and then go on with your life, as hard as that is!.
Looking back, I'm very glad I went to my maternal grandparents' funerals!. It gave me one last chance to honor them and to quietly express my gratitude for them and all they meant to me!. I was 5 years old when my paternal grandmother died, and my parents didn't take me to the funeral because they were worried how I'd handle it!. To this day, I have problems coming to grips with her loss!. Losing a loved one doesn't seem real if you don't go to the funeral!. As much as it hurts, it's best that you experience the pain now in the company of sympathetic friends and family and pay tribute to their lives!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I don't really know what to say that might help without sharing my personal experiences with you and telling what I've learned!. I hope you don't mind my indulgence, as I hope it can help you!.
I was very close to both my grandparents!. They're both gone now, and their funerals were some of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life!. Knowing that this was the last time I'd see them, and not wanting to remember a corpse in a box when the person I knew and loved was so much more, was very hard!. It was also hard trying to keep my composure with everyone else around!. In fact, at my grandmother's funeral, I totally lost it!. I didn't feel a bit bad for it, either!. One of the people I loved most in the world had died and I was just going through what I should!.
What I can tell you from experience is that I don't remember either of these people who I loved more than anyone else as dead bodies in a casket!. When I think of them, what I remember are the times we shared!. Like holidays and the private moments that I wouldn't trade anything for!. I still love them deeply!.
Funerals are there for the living, to give you a chance to say goodbye!. They're sad, and often encourage the sadness to draw it out of everyone, to confront you with the pain and loss you feel deep down!. It hurts, but it's something you should acknowledge and the sooner you do, paradoxically, the sooner you'll start to feel better and come to terms with your loss!. Funerals are about dragging these painful emotions out of you so you can experience them and then go on with your life, as hard as that is!.
Looking back, I'm very glad I went to my maternal grandparents' funerals!. It gave me one last chance to honor them and to quietly express my gratitude for them and all they meant to me!. I was 5 years old when my paternal grandmother died, and my parents didn't take me to the funeral because they were worried how I'd handle it!. To this day, I have problems coming to grips with her loss!. Losing a loved one doesn't seem real if you don't go to the funeral!. As much as it hurts, it's best that you experience the pain now in the company of sympathetic friends and family and pay tribute to their lives!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I certainly do sympathise with you, i had wished i had never seen my father in an open casket after his death!
May i suggest that you do remember your uncle as he was, full of life, fun, laughter, and what your looking at is just his 'shell'!.!.!.he is not there anymore!.!.!.his fun loving spirit has already gone! into a new afterlife, and that he is being rewarded somewhere for being a wonderful human being!.
You should not be co-erced in viewing him in the casket, i believe you could stay your distance, and say you wish to remember your uncle as he was!.!.not laid out! Www@Answer-Health@Com
May i suggest that you do remember your uncle as he was, full of life, fun, laughter, and what your looking at is just his 'shell'!.!.!.he is not there anymore!.!.!.his fun loving spirit has already gone! into a new afterlife, and that he is being rewarded somewhere for being a wonderful human being!.
You should not be co-erced in viewing him in the casket, i believe you could stay your distance, and say you wish to remember your uncle as he was!.!.not laid out! Www@Answer-Health@Com