Is it possible that I was molested as a little girl and don't even remember!
Question: Is it possible that I was molested as a little girl and don't even remember it?
I specifically remember...
When I was 5 I had a next-door neighbor who was a year older than me. He was 6 and he was my playmate. He would come over often and we'd play. But the disturbing part is that, I can slightly remember doing "things" with him. Sometimes, in the afternoon when no one is watching us, he'd sneak me up in my room upstairs. Me and him would hide in the closet, doing inappropriate things. I can't quite remember all the details but I remember during our time inside the closet, I wouldn't have any clothes on, (I'm not quite sure if he had some on or not). We would sit there facing each other. I had no known s*xual knowledge of anything, really and I'm pretty sure he didn't either. I guess it wasn't entirely disturbing and frightening during the moment because I was told to believe this is what "adults" do. He would sit closely facing me and he would kiss me, a few pecks here and there. He would touch me too... everywhere. No intense touching, just gentle touches. We've done this multiple times while I still lived next to him. I have no known memory of how this started. All I really knew was that I never really bothered trying to stop him because I've always felt like it was a routine. I wasn't completely "forced" to do it but more pressure. Like we're "suppose" to do this or else he wouldn't come around and play with me anymore. I wasn't really frightened or felt violated, which really disturbs me and brings up the question why wasn't I disturbed or felt violated and even frightened for that matter? When I was little, I've always had a little sense that it was 'okay' because I feel like I've done it before... even before he did it to me.
Which really got me confuse and I couldn't seem to understand it all, is it possible I was molested or even raped when I was younger before the encounter with my playmate when I was five years old?
[this is really personal and I have never told anyone this in my whole life, so please be mature]
I don't plan on doing anything about it because I don't want anything to happen to my family, plus its so long ago. I posted this question simply because... I just want to know.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
For a start touching yourself is called masturbation, most people masturbate that doesn't mean you're more sexually active or a sign of abuse - your vagina/vulva is part of your body, it stands to reason that within the 16 years you've been alive that you would touch down there at some point and notice it feels good. Babies still within the womb touch themselves, babies experience pleasure during nappy changes because it feels good - that doesn't mean they were abused as embryos.
Exploring genitals with play mates as a child is normal, again this is something very common, if he was 6 years old then he was not molesting you, the both of you were exploring each others bodies in an innocent way, you didn't know it was sex you both just knew it felt nice. There is NO REASON AT ALL to feel violated or frightened by someone touching your genitals - it is more disturbing that you think touching your own genitals or someone else touching your genitals in a normal, healthy, gentle, natural way should be traumatic in some way - why do you think this way?
You and your playmate touched yourselves and each other because it felt good.
It is possible to forget about child molestation, prior to around the age of 3 is a time most people cannot really remember, it is also possible to block-out harmful thoughts such as those about abuse. Children often don't realise they're being abused either, they maybe think something is normal and in some cases they realise as adults looking back that something wasn't as innocent as they had thought as children. I've experienced this myself, at 7 I had a neighbour who tied rope around my genitals till it hurt me and he would park in industrial estates and play sex games with me in his car, I had forgotten about this until a few years ago and even then it took some time for me to realise that this wasn't innocent.
It sounds as though maybe you've been brought up in an environment where sex wasn't openly discussed - seemingly if no one explained masturbation or mutual touching to you as a child - this can cause people feelings of guilt over ideas surrounding sex, their sexual anatomy and sexuality.
It is possible for someone to be molested or raped and not have any recollection of it. First, if drugs were involved (like the Date Rape drug), this is possible, but it is also possible for a person to block memories that are too painful to deal with.
However, it is normal for children to... I don't want to say experiment, but they do come to an age where they are curious not only about their own bodies, but the bodies of others, as well. This is a natural part of growing up and it often occurs between two children, of opposite or same sex, who are friends.
Just because you found ways to pleasure yourself does not mean that you've been corrupted in any way. Of course you can always, always, always say no to sexual activity that you do not want to participate in. I just want you to know that exploration of our own bodies at a young age is completely normal and you are not any more sexual than anyone else in that sense. Masturbation is nothing we need to be ashamed of.
It's always a possibility. But really, you could just be a sexual person, or at least more open with your sexuality than most girls your age are. One thing you do have to keep in mind, that everyone, boys AND girls, both start masturbating at an early age...even in the womb. It's completely normal. It's just how little boys and girls learn to pleasure themselves. Some will continue to do it later on in life, and others won't. It just depends on the person. So that's probably why you feel like you've been doing that for so long, but can't remember when you started.
And as for the issue with your neighbor when you were little...well, for one thing, you guys were just little kids, who didn't really know what you were doing. Which could be why you said you never really felt frightened or violated when you guys did that.
So it really could be that you are just a sexual person.
I very highly doubt it but maybe but some people just have a higher sex drive then others so maybe your just one of those people and about when you were younger I think it is kinda common for use to have done stuff when we were way younger because we didn't know what we were doing
hope I helped
to be honnest i have really no explanation for this it sounds pretty odd it is problly just your mind playing tricks on you for example i have this memory of going to Disney land as a kid and getting freaked out by scubby do and seeing Kayne west but i have never been out off Australia and i only got my passport about 2 years ago so i am like wtf. but about your situation it is probs just your mind playing tricks and if anything did happen whrn you were youg would you really want to know
honestly it is possible as kids we have a i forget what its actually called but it is for mental protection where we block out or even forget things that happened to us when we are young. sometimes certain smells or actions, places or people can trigger memories of things we didn't know even happened. its also possible you may have walked in on your parents having sex one night and blocked that out but wanted to try for yourself. i can honestly tell you i was raped when i was younger and i recently found out that there was a possibility that even before i was raped i had been molested but i remember the rape but no clue about being molested. hope this helps
this could go two diff ways but it could be molestation or just child curiosity, depends how he found out how to do these things. I was never molested or raped but i am just a very sexual person. Proly nothing wrong just make sure to have plenty of batteries and enjoy life dont dwell on something that does not really bother you mentally