Still mourning after my miscarriage at 13wks almost 4 months ago. When will this!


Question: Still mourning after my miscarriage at 13wks almost 4 months ago. When will this ever end?
Hi All, I lost my pregnancy at the end of my 13th week of pregnancy 3 1/2 months ago and still cry, get angry and feel empty inside. I do suffer from PTSD and PD as well as Depression and am on the proper medication but nothing seems too help.
I have a beautiful, healthy 7yr old child whom is the love of my life and a wonderful Family as well as friends that are supportive but I feel so broken inside.
They put me on that HORRIBLE Depo Provera shot when they were to never give it to me because of health issues and I was deeply depressed on that more than I ever have been in my 37yrs of life. The shot ended 4 weeks ago Thank the good Lord but I am still depressed, unmotivated a lot of the time and refuse to throw out my ultrasound pix and preg. tests I took. I look at them each day even though I try to force myself not to.
I've tried walking each day to release the stress, depression but my Panic Disorder effects me so deeply at times I cant leave my home.
I dont want to eat a lot of the times, talk to people on the phone or email even though I should.
I do keep busy with my child, we do arts and crafts all the time, reading and writing, playing etc. I always keep a Poker face for her sake. Her Dad helps a lot these days he knows the signs now when I am unable to cope with the day to day tasks. I suffer from terrible Migraines but since off the Depo they have subsided immensely.
Do any of you think that until I get my period back (have not had it since I got pregnant) I will feel this way since it is like still being pregnant without having it??? This was something I was thinking it could be.
I do see a Psychiatrist 2 times per month but I wanted others opinions or any help to overcome my sadness. I wanted another child so very much and it pains me deeply that I went thru a full 13 weeks of a VERY difficult pregnancy only to have nothing but empty hands to hold him and an empty tummy to rub and to feel kicking me softly.
I feel so numb and alone with me grief. Can anyone relate to this as well. I have my Faith but sometimes it's just not enough to get through the days.
Thank you Kindly

Answers:

I can understand your pain. My husband & I suffered 10 years with infertility. I had one ectopic pregnancy that I lost early on. My next pregnancy was twins. I got a UTI that the doctor refused to treat, & I lost them at 3 1/2 months. That was extremely hard to bear. I felt anger towards the doctor, extreme sadness, hurt, bitterness, & also anger at myself, for not seeking other help in time. It was so hard to start over again. We finally had a daughter. By that time though, both of my husband's parents died & didn't get a chance to meet her. It's very difficult & will take time. You need to get mentally healthy though, for yourself, your husband & daughter. See if you can find a place that does biofeedback. It helped me tremendously. All that is done is electrodes are placed on you like an EKG & your stress is monitored. This way you can learn to relax, breath & control your emotions better. You do need to continue to do things for yourself to help your depression. Right now you are focusing too much on your inner thoughts, instead of whatever is outside. Try each day, to focus more & more on what you are doing (an art project with your daughter, making a fun snack with your daughter or going to the playground, making a delicious dinner for your husband or going out to dinner). Commend yourself for any little success. This will take time & practice. As for the loss of your baby, everyone copes with those things differently. Some people give their baby a name & place an item in their home or garden or give a donation in honor of the child. I wouldn't throw the ultrasound pictures away. See if you have a place you can store & not look at them for a while or give them to a trusted friend or family member (who won't feel it's best to distroy them for your own good), until you can get over this hurdle. Faith is very important. See if you can join a church group or support group. It does get better with time. Just remember not to lose special moments with your family, because you can't get them back. I wish you the best.



:( sorry for your loss



you experienced a loss. it's normal to mourn and they is no set time. I'm sorry for your loss.



When I read your question, I almost broke down.
So very sorry -
It sounds as if you have had a lot on your plate.

It sounds as if you are doing a lot of positive things, but have you thought about trying to find a support group of women that have suffered through a miscarriage?

I have seen in my city, that there are support groups for this type of loss.
Sometimes,Time is the only healer, but maybe a support group would give you a little extra perspective.
Please take care!




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