Why do i do this & is it normal?!
Question: i have sexual fantasies about my boyfriend, they are very vivid & wild. we've been together almost 4 years. our sex life couldnt be better! but when i get around him i clam up. he knows im a freak in the bed. why do i clam up around him though? he always initiates our encounters...why cant i? why do i feel like i cant? its very weird for me. im sure he gets tired of being the aggressor as well.
Answers: i have sexual fantasies about my boyfriend, they are very vivid & wild. we've been together almost 4 years. our sex life couldnt be better! but when i get around him i clam up. he knows im a freak in the bed. why do i clam up around him though? he always initiates our encounters...why cant i? why do i feel like i cant? its very weird for me. im sure he gets tired of being the aggressor as well.
It's possible you grew up believing if a woman was a bit wild in the cot (or wherever) or initiated same and really enjoyed it you would be seen as easy,a sex maniac or worse a sl.. (pardon the expression). Someone has sown that idea in your head. Talk to your boyfriend ...ask him how he feels and what he likes . This shouldn't be a problem ...it is one of the silly stories people tell themselves because they feel a bit ashamed.
awww four years and still crazy about each other :)
luck you...!
just do it
rwarr
haha well i think maybe u just crave sex more??
and when u get it u take advantage to the point where its not really fun for him... so tone down a bit? :P
you probably just get nervous because you like him alot.
You are just shy. Or you have a problem. Do you get horny? see your doctor.
is that you in the picture
What a ******* sick question
As long as you always respond, I'm sure he'll be fine. Maybe if you were married it would make you feel differently about being the aggressor. By the way, why aren't you?
You may have some underlying trust issues. Were you ever heartbroken? Maybe subconsciously you feel he may hurt you.
But I don't think what you are feeling is unusual.
nerves
have you put on weight?
It is hard for some women to be the aggressor, because society says good girls don't do that. Trust me I know I am 30ish and still have trouble letting my guy know what I want. Just take a deep breath and be brave. Your guy will appreciate you for it.
It could be about how you were raised.....did you talk to your mom about sex? I'm serious here -- how did she talk to you? Mine was very open with me and I have never had a problem initiating it. It's all in your head/mind......just work on it. He'll appreciate it.
he doesn't get tired of being the aggressor because if he really loves you he could never be completed without you
Try talking about sex more often away from the bed. I used to be the same way and then.. I don't know. I started bringing up sexual related discussions at the weirdest times and he was very open and it just made me more comfortable. I also caught him masterbating once and that really just brought things home. As far as initiating, I always have a problem with rejection. You really have to know when he wants it and just go for it. As soon as you hit the pants he should start becoming more aroused and you will feel comfortable about it because you are doing something he likes and you will want to continue.
Sorry if this doesn't totally help, but I hope it does and I wish you luck =)
There is no 'normal' so forget about being a 'freak'. You might find it beneficial to invite your boyfriend to approach you sensitively and slowly without any expectations, just to lovingly hold you and allow you the space for your passion to arise and find expression.
I wish you all the best!
There's nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies, whether your sex life is nonexistent or fantastic. :P
Four years is a long time, congratulations. I hope that you trust him, and just remember that when you clam up. It sounds like you would like to talk to him about them, and it sounds like you're frustrated with that. I'm sure he'll understand if you have a hard time putting it in the open.
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Is it because you grew up not discussing that sort of thing?
Are you afraid that he might be turned off by what you suggest or do? I would talk to him about what your turn ons are when you are not actually about to get it on. Maybe you would feel more comfortable talking about it over the phone first, then you may feel more comfortable in person.
I feel like you might be a troll...that's not your pic troll...stop making fun of people and grow up!
The reason why I feel you might being having this problem is because you feel guilty. What I mean by this is... We as humans are programmed with a sinful nature at birth. Because God allowed Adam and Eve to eat the fruit in the garden of Eden in the very beginning, it brought about sin among all generations after Adam and Eve. Your non desire to be the aggressor is due to the fact of feeling guilty and your conscience telling you that you might be doing something wrong. Since God created Sex to be a special gift meant for only the marriage bed, anything outside of marriage is sin. Even if you don't believe in God or don't believe in Jesus Christ as your personal saviour, God has programmed mankind with a conscience to choose from right and wrong. When your boyfriend innitiates the romance and sex, your mind automatically gives in to its craving to fulfill your flesh, therefore you go ahead with it. Because you are in sin already while having sex you enjoy the pleasure so much at the current time you don't even think that it is wrong until later. I believe this with my whole heart and I know that the God that I serve is a loving and forgiving God who will forgive this sin. But I also know that he is a just God and does not like sin in our lives even though he loves us. God hates the sin but loves us. So he will judge these actions someday. Repent of this and try not to have sex anymore and find satisfaction in God first and your relationship with your boyfriend will take on a whole new meaning.
Hi. When I had a "normal", healthy libido, I used to have the fantasies also. I always thought I was weird to do that but I later found out that it was very common and even healthy to fantasize about your partner..and even about other people(as long as you don't act on that one of course, lol). I think it's great that you have a great sex life still after 4 years. As far as you clamming up, it reminds me of how I used to feel. I was raised in a very strict home and my mother never talked openly with me about sex and I remember even thinking for a very long time that it was a bad thing(maybe because she didn't talk about it at all). Anyway, when I became an adult and was married and learned that sex was not bad, but a wonderful thing between two people that love each other, I was still not able to open up and do any "dirty talking" or speak of my fantasies. I guess when you have thought of something for a certain way most of your life, it's hard to just change that over night. I had to learn about alot of things through reading and hearing other women talking about sex. Once I tried to initiate sex with my husband and he just didn't happen to be in the mood..and I felt so rejected! It was a horrible and embarassing feeling. It made me feel so uncomfortable and looking back over the years I guess that has alot to do with why I never do initiate it. I don't know if something like this has happened to you or not but it just seems like a fear of rejection might have something to do with it. Another thing that I have learned is that alot of it has to do with your partner(not saying anything bad about him), it's just that my x was very old fashioned and my current bf is very open minded and when we first started dating and had a healthy sex life, he made me feel very comfortable and for the first time in my life I was able to talk openly with him about anything. It was an amazing feeling to be able to be so open about everything..even my fantasies to a point(i don't want to share ALL my fantasies with him, otherwise I don't think they would feel like fantasies to me anymore.
Maybe if you just start out with small steps..like try to talk to him about something that you wouldn't ordinarily talk about and see if it makes you uncomfortable..do you fear making him feel uncomfortable? It would more than likely be a nice surprise for him and by both of you becoming more comfortable with talking about things, then you can take it to another level and when you feel ready, then try initiating an encounter just once when you know he is really in the mood and the more you do this, the more comfortable you will be with it. You say you are sure that he gets tired of being the aggressor all the time, and this might not bother him at all. but just learning how to be more open with him and talking about it will let you know. Good communication is a must in any relationship..no matter the subject. And you said that your sex life couldn't be better..so you both must be doing something right. It's hard to improve on that, but if you feel that it bothers him that he is always the one that initiates, then try to talk to him about it..you might be surprised at how much easier it is to open up and talk about these things. Good luck to you and best wishes~