How to deal with separtion anxeity?!
Question: My daughter who is about to go to preschool gets very upset if I leave her sight or she can't find me. I can not go from one room to other without her getting upset about it. She thinks I am going to leave her and never come back.
Answers: My daughter who is about to go to preschool gets very upset if I leave her sight or she can't find me. I can not go from one room to other without her getting upset about it. She thinks I am going to leave her and never come back.
Separation anxiety refers to a developmental stage in which a child experiences anxiety due to separation from the primary care giver (usually the mother). This phase is fairly standard at around 8 months of age and can last until the child is 14 months old.
In young children, unwillingness to leave a parent or a caregiver is a sign that attachments have developed between the caregiver and child. The child is beginning to understand that each object (including people) in the environment is different and permanent. Young children do not yet understand time, therefore they do not know when or even if a parent will ever come back. Children at this stage struggle between the desire to strike out on their own and the need to stay safe by a parent or caregiver's side.
For younger children, there are courses of action a parent or caregiver can take:
Try to schedule departures after naps and mealtimes since your child will be more susceptible to separation anxiety when tired, hungry, or sick.
Prepare your child before the separation occurs by reassuring him that you will return. Treat the anxiety seriously and react with understanding, patience, and confidence: "I know you don't want me to go away right now, but I will be back after school." Do not tease: "You're so silly to cry about it." Or sound annoyed: "You make me feel so mad when you cry like that!"
Stay calm, matter-of-fact and, sympathetic: "I know you are upset that I have to go into the kitchen, but I need to cook the chicken for dinner." Go into the kitchen with the child on your leg if necessary.
Create feelings of security for your toddler by giving lots of love and attention. Young children learn faster when they receive necessary attention and affection than by the parent's taking a "learn the hard way" attitude.
Practice short-term separations around the house. As you go into the next room out of sight, talk to your child: "Where did mommy go?" When you return, let her know: "Here I am!" These repeated separations might help your child learn that your disappearance is only temporary.
Do not sneak away from your child. While tempting, this approach will only lead to more difficulty the next time you leave.
Maintain control over your own anxieties. If your child senses or sees your distress at leaving, that will tell him that there must be something wrong.
As for preschool, keep the goodbyes loving, short and firm. Even if the teacher has to physically hold your child after you leave, it won't take long for her to figure out that not only does Mom come back, in the meantime, there's a whole lot of fun things to do and people to see in preschool. It's hard on you, but be firm, loving, gentle and brief.
Nearly every preschool teacher I know will tell you that a kid will stop crying in a few minutes after Mom is gone and will move on to an activity.