I feel I am slowly losing my idnetity and who I am. What could cause this.?!
Question: Everyday I wale up and feel less and less like myself. I don't enjoy the activities used to. I would rather sit at home. I jsut have no interest in anything. I write poetry all day. Dark, depressing poetry. I am right now taking 360 10 mg Vicodin a month, 120 1mg Xanax a month, 180 5 mg Valium a month, 60 restoril a month, 60 Halcion .125mgs a month and 10 mg Ambien once at night. I still do not sleep at all. I have extreme arthritis which keeps me up and I am under the care of a pain mangment specialist. Any suggestions.
Answers: Everyday I wale up and feel less and less like myself. I don't enjoy the activities used to. I would rather sit at home. I jsut have no interest in anything. I write poetry all day. Dark, depressing poetry. I am right now taking 360 10 mg Vicodin a month, 120 1mg Xanax a month, 180 5 mg Valium a month, 60 restoril a month, 60 Halcion .125mgs a month and 10 mg Ambien once at night. I still do not sleep at all. I have extreme arthritis which keeps me up and I am under the care of a pain mangment specialist. Any suggestions.
You are vividly describing the major signs of manic-depressive disorder or otherwise known as bipolar depression. How do I know this? I myself am in a constant battle with this dangerous condition which is thankfully in a more stable and manageable state after the excruciatingly confusing initial stages and proper medication.
Bipolar depression increases one's intellect and dramatically changes your attention to detail and analytical ability to attune with your surroundings which still leaves psychologists baffled. Hemingway, Beethoven, Dickens and even Churchill suffered from bipolar depression.
Your dependence on pharmaceutical drugs is not unlike mine when I could not understand why I constantly had conflicting emotions and thoughts. I perceived every single thing differently and tried very hard to be normal but I finally realised I wasn't. I believed that I was on a higher plane of intelligence than others and that no one COULD or WOULD understand me even if they pathetically attempted to do so. I was partially correct. Bipolar depression is still one of the least understood conditions affecting individuals worldwide and rightly so.
It is unsurprising that your sleep patterns are deeply affected by this as bipolar depression causes your brain to intermittently launch into periods of furious activity without you initiating it. I am very sure that you will spend hours thinking about a particular issue or at times, about almost anything that 'crosses' your mind. 'Crosses' is an understatement here because the thoughts skewer through your mind and squeeze into every mental crack you leave unguarded before making way for the next bombardment of thoughts or emotions.
Since your arthritis is currently under the purview of a pain management specialist, it should be sufficiently addressed and need not warrant further concern.
However, I urge you to seek help from a mental health professional to cope with your current state of mind which unaddressed, will cripple you emotionally, mentally and psychologically. Understand that any form of depression is extremely dangerous and cause for alarm since it will evolve into something uncontrollable if left unchecked. Bipolar depression is no exception for it sees the highest rate of suicides or suicide attempts than any other type of depression.
Again, I would like to reiterate and HIGHLY RECOMMEND you seek professional help. Do not be embarrased or feel ashamed of your depression because it affects the best of us. Remember, there is a reason for everything. Nothing happens to us on this Earth without a particular reason we may or may not understand later on in the future. Perhaps this will evolve you into a stronger and much more independent personality. I believe that manic-depressive disorder has moulded me into a refined and more empathetic individual.
Good luck and I hope I helped! =)
Depression makes you stop having interest in what made you happy. The first step is to talk to your doctor. It is a manageable illness and you will get back to normal with some work. Please talk to the doctor that is prescribing all your medication. You might be on too much and a simple adjustment will help your mood. Good Luck. Take charge right away.
take up meditation and find a new hobby. sounds like you need to talk to a psyc. sounds like you may have depression or be a manic depressiant or even have bipolar
I can't add anything more to what has been said except that I'm here if you need me.
I haven't been checking my computer and when I clicked on your name I was expecting to read something dark and familia in content, but this is the scariest thing I have eve read from you. I know exactly what you are feeling: if anyone who knows and loves you reads my answer they should try to give support and not turn this into less than it is. You are in crisis right now and in danger of developing severe disassociative personality disorder. I have dependent personality disorder and no one diagnosed me; the fact is I am very in to DBT and if you want to try it, the link is dbtselfhelp.com. Ande I am here in Vegas but stil right there with you. If anyone vunderstands and can validate your problems it is me. You have my respect for being able to tell the story of your traumatic experiences to the gp without making you into a whiner like a lot of people; you stick to your guns (don't get any ideas from that pleases lol not funny haha) and don't change your poetry to please others. i want you to remember what you oe about yourself right now and make it become your most empowering trait. You aren't like the rest of the people who are online now, but you have to fight to be able to be among them comfortably. Just stay out of the pit of despair and email me some of your thougfhts so that you can vent and so that I can more fully understand why you are being given so many different types of drugs for pain management. I realize the temptation to make it all go away, the lure of drugged out sleep is easy to indulge in, but it is harder to get away from than the depression. Contact me please I want to know you are stil there.
My mother suffered arithic pain for years that crippled her in body but not mind. She had all the arithic diseases which eventually forced her to give up her passion of painting. I never did see her take anywhere the type and doses of medicines that you laid out. While not a doctor and certainly not you, I would suggest that you consult another pain specialist. The Mayo Clinic in Arizona or Minnesota would be a great alternative too. Good luck.