Other advice than leaving an alcoholic or using AA?!
Question: Other advice than leaving an alcoholic or using AA!?
Everything I've read suggests leaving my husband because of drinking, but as his wife, shouldn't I be supportive and try to help him through this!? He goes to work everyday and is not abusive at all!. He has, however, recently started using a credit card to buy alcohol and then hides the bill so I can't bug him about it (and subsequently, it doesn't get paid, can we say late fees!?)!. I know he wouldn't go for AA and several people have stated that it doesn't work, (5% to me is not a very successful rate)!. I've purchased a book for him, but he hasn't read it!. He has said he needs help and he has said that he's embarrassed, but where do I find help when he won't do AA or read a book!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
The thing about alcoholism is that you can't fix it for someone else!. You're exhibiting what is going to be called classic co-dependant behavior, which means that you are taking responsibility for his fixing his problem, which helps to allow him to focus on you and what you're doing about it, rather than forcing him to focus on him and what he needs to do about it!. You might as well back off, if he's not ready to take the initiative!.
I understand that you're supposed to be supportive and all as a wife!. That is a wonderful trait, and commitment, and it says a lot about you!. You need to realize though that not only can you not fix his problem for him, or even make him fix his problem, but you cannot actually have an intimate relationship with someone who is substance abusing!. The person is not available to have a reciprocol relationship!. So you're chasing after him with fixes to make him get right so he is available, and you know what!? You will exhaust yourself!. He will take you down with him!.
You need support, and if he won't go get help for himself, you still need to get it for yourself (and any children, if you have them)!. Alcoholism is a family disease, because when one person is not healthy, it affects everyone!. You can either go to an Al-Anon group yourself (or with your kids) or you can seek private therapy!. You are going to need it, if you stay with him, and he continues to drink!. You probably will benefit from it, even if he stops!.
I was raised with a mentally ill parent, and I hooked up with a boyfriend in my early 30s who was handsome and fun and charming and almost certainly an alcholic!. I was concerned after we dated nearly 2 years and the fun of partying all the time began to wear off, and I went to an Al-anon meeting to see what I could learn!. I realized after the first one that I could substitute "mental illness" for "alcholism" and it was the same result as far as living with a person who has either one!. I didn't have a choice of my parents, but I had a choice with a b/f!. I broke up with him, because I knew where this was heading, if he continued to drink and not deal with his problem!. My father had good medical care, but would not take his meds!. Might be time to look at your own options, including tough love, whether you leave or stay!.
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I understand that you're supposed to be supportive and all as a wife!. That is a wonderful trait, and commitment, and it says a lot about you!. You need to realize though that not only can you not fix his problem for him, or even make him fix his problem, but you cannot actually have an intimate relationship with someone who is substance abusing!. The person is not available to have a reciprocol relationship!. So you're chasing after him with fixes to make him get right so he is available, and you know what!? You will exhaust yourself!. He will take you down with him!.
You need support, and if he won't go get help for himself, you still need to get it for yourself (and any children, if you have them)!. Alcoholism is a family disease, because when one person is not healthy, it affects everyone!. You can either go to an Al-Anon group yourself (or with your kids) or you can seek private therapy!. You are going to need it, if you stay with him, and he continues to drink!. You probably will benefit from it, even if he stops!.
I was raised with a mentally ill parent, and I hooked up with a boyfriend in my early 30s who was handsome and fun and charming and almost certainly an alcholic!. I was concerned after we dated nearly 2 years and the fun of partying all the time began to wear off, and I went to an Al-anon meeting to see what I could learn!. I realized after the first one that I could substitute "mental illness" for "alcholism" and it was the same result as far as living with a person who has either one!. I didn't have a choice of my parents, but I had a choice with a b/f!. I broke up with him, because I knew where this was heading, if he continued to drink and not deal with his problem!. My father had good medical care, but would not take his meds!. Might be time to look at your own options, including tough love, whether you leave or stay!.
Sl
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