Sad, lonely, depressed and near suicidal 19 year old male?!
Question: Sad, lonely, depressed and near suicidal 19 year old male!?
I have bad social anxiety, agoraphobia and maybe worse problems but I am scheduled in for a psychotherapy appointment soon!. In the meantime I have to try and get out of the house and today for once I did but I panicked when I got near people, the reason for this is that I am ugly and people give me repulsive stares when I walk past them, my appearance has always been my main problem however my social skills are also terrible!.
Here is the scenario: I walk past someone I get paranoid and start shaking, then the person is either friendly and says hello (thats the best I ever get from anybody) or just ignores me and thinks I am weird or look horrible (usually this happens), if the person ignores me I feel worthless and if they say hi and attempt to talk to me I get embarrassed go red and feel dizzy and have no idea what to do or say, I also think they feel sorry for me!.
I hate being like this but to be fair I have been a subject to harsh criticism from a diverse array of people throughout my life and I know I am not attractive and people just don't give me a chance!. I would love a girlfriend but whether I ever get one I just don't know but the problems stem deeper because I cant function in a job or education due to whatever problem may arise after I start my therapy!.
I have always been picked on, often by large numbers of people stood around saying how awful I look and how retarded I act, which confuses me because in my head I think I am quite clever but everyone else says I am not and tells me I am ugly, not everyone but enough people for me feel down and concerned when I am around people!. I have a face only a mother could love and an attitude/personality that doesn't appeal to other people!. When I go out of my way to nice and kind to a person I feel like I am inferior and dumb and the other person is great and I feel privileged when I can spend time with someone however I feel like its only a matter of time they stop liking me which I am used to!. I question myself to everything a person says to me and it always ends up me being the victim,
I am trapped in a life which is horrible and unkind, in a body I hate and a soul that yearns to be happy but is never going to be fulfilled, why do I have to put up with a crap life and why cant I be loved!. Should I end my life save myself the ongoing pain!? I would regret it if I didn't kill myself in 50 years time when I still feel like I do now!. Oh yes I am 19 and a male
Also what am supposed to tell people I used to hang around with when they ask me where I have been for the past year, I don't want to tell them I had agoraphobia, or anxietyWww@Answer-Health@Com
Here is the scenario: I walk past someone I get paranoid and start shaking, then the person is either friendly and says hello (thats the best I ever get from anybody) or just ignores me and thinks I am weird or look horrible (usually this happens), if the person ignores me I feel worthless and if they say hi and attempt to talk to me I get embarrassed go red and feel dizzy and have no idea what to do or say, I also think they feel sorry for me!.
I hate being like this but to be fair I have been a subject to harsh criticism from a diverse array of people throughout my life and I know I am not attractive and people just don't give me a chance!. I would love a girlfriend but whether I ever get one I just don't know but the problems stem deeper because I cant function in a job or education due to whatever problem may arise after I start my therapy!.
I have always been picked on, often by large numbers of people stood around saying how awful I look and how retarded I act, which confuses me because in my head I think I am quite clever but everyone else says I am not and tells me I am ugly, not everyone but enough people for me feel down and concerned when I am around people!. I have a face only a mother could love and an attitude/personality that doesn't appeal to other people!. When I go out of my way to nice and kind to a person I feel like I am inferior and dumb and the other person is great and I feel privileged when I can spend time with someone however I feel like its only a matter of time they stop liking me which I am used to!. I question myself to everything a person says to me and it always ends up me being the victim,
I am trapped in a life which is horrible and unkind, in a body I hate and a soul that yearns to be happy but is never going to be fulfilled, why do I have to put up with a crap life and why cant I be loved!. Should I end my life save myself the ongoing pain!? I would regret it if I didn't kill myself in 50 years time when I still feel like I do now!. Oh yes I am 19 and a male
Also what am supposed to tell people I used to hang around with when they ask me where I have been for the past year, I don't want to tell them I had agoraphobia, or anxietyWww@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I can certainly relate to your experiences - been through the depression and anxiety myself and it's not easy!. Just know that you'll come out of it as a stronger, better more confident person!. It may take some time but it's really a healing process like any other!.
Glad to hear you are going to see a therapist- that also helped me out a lot!.
I know you'll probably hate to hear this but my depression and anxiety were the absolute worst between the ages of 13 and 20!. It's such a tough time in one's life and peers can be so judgmental and obnoxious - it's best to just ignore them and focus on healing yourself and learning to love yourself (I KNOW it sounds cheesy)!.
I remember my dark days as well - it's so suffocating and horrible - many people just don't have any idea how bad depression can be!. And I understand you might feel that you are "ugly" and inferior!. In my case I was born with a rare facial deformity, so yea - life has NOT been easy and people often think I must be mentally retarted just because my face looks different!.
After I saw a psychologist, started medication and therapy - my life completely turned around!!! I used to be a mess - now I'm 31 with a masters degree, great job, engaged, confident and comfortable in my own skin!. It's like night and day!. Please keep hope alive and keep yourself alive - you'll get through this just like I and many other people have!. Now looking back on my days of depression and anxiety - I'm so glad I hung on and much of my confidence and strength now is knowing that I was able to survive and thrive despite the tough challenges I had to face!.
So take care of yourself, and BTW you are great at expressing yourself in writing - have you tried journal writing or any other type of arts to get your emotions out!? Www@Answer-Health@Com
Glad to hear you are going to see a therapist- that also helped me out a lot!.
I know you'll probably hate to hear this but my depression and anxiety were the absolute worst between the ages of 13 and 20!. It's such a tough time in one's life and peers can be so judgmental and obnoxious - it's best to just ignore them and focus on healing yourself and learning to love yourself (I KNOW it sounds cheesy)!.
I remember my dark days as well - it's so suffocating and horrible - many people just don't have any idea how bad depression can be!. And I understand you might feel that you are "ugly" and inferior!. In my case I was born with a rare facial deformity, so yea - life has NOT been easy and people often think I must be mentally retarted just because my face looks different!.
After I saw a psychologist, started medication and therapy - my life completely turned around!!! I used to be a mess - now I'm 31 with a masters degree, great job, engaged, confident and comfortable in my own skin!. It's like night and day!. Please keep hope alive and keep yourself alive - you'll get through this just like I and many other people have!. Now looking back on my days of depression and anxiety - I'm so glad I hung on and much of my confidence and strength now is knowing that I was able to survive and thrive despite the tough challenges I had to face!.
So take care of yourself, and BTW you are great at expressing yourself in writing - have you tried journal writing or any other type of arts to get your emotions out!? Www@Answer-Health@Com
Go to your psycotherapy appointment and tell whoever you talk to about your problems!. You need professional help!. Get it, no matter what any one else says!. I hope you get the help you need!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
just dont pay attention to people its not true im pretty sure your not tht ugly just dont think about it just get it off your mind there is nothing wrong with u trust meWww@Answer-Health@Com
hang in there Www@Answer-Health@Com
ill tell ya what!. since your on the comp!. you have nothing to be scared of from me!. i can talk to you on yahoo if you'd like!. i cant promise you'll feel better or anything but maybe some company not face to face would help you out!. and whatever you do please don't end your life!. That's a very sad way to go and you'll leave all the confusion and possible outcomes you colud have!. but please contact me!. im younger than you, yes!. but i really do wanna try to help!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
suicide will only guarantee you no improvement and will not just hurt you but any one who cares for you!. all of us are here for a reason!. we are not all born beautiful or brilliant but we all have God's love!. don't turn away!. it's truth!. people can be cruel at times and at your age you are particularly sensitive to this!. what matters not is how people behave toward you but in how you behave toward others!. it's very hard for you now because you have been hurt and you have isolated yourself for protection!. try to focus outside yourself and give kindness and understanding to other people!. do so without thought of what you will get in return!. something you do or say may make a major difference in someones life!. im glad you have an appointment with a therapist and i hope that will make you feel better!. it is a good first step!. people are responding to you right now as they see what you have written, with kindness and prayer!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
To me, (I have BPD) It sounds like you resinate some similar behaviour!. Thwere are several different personality disorders (do not confuse with bi polar) If medications don't work unfortunately it may be a personailty disorder, these cant really be medicated as suck, it takes a long time of hard effort to understand your own behavoiur and learn to see what others see!.
There are behavioural therapies that can be given, but all are long term im afraid, theres no quick fix!.
Be honest and open with the Psyc staff, but don't let them roll you over into a corner or put words in your mouth!. If they say somthing and its not right, correct them, explain in a different way tuill they get it!.
Honestly, I dont think Yahoo answers is the place for advice on this sort of problem, stick to the professionals, dont take hearsay and rumour to heart!. Seek support on this sort of thing, but dont go running off with self diagnosis, you'll end up convincing yiourself and this can mask the real problem, which could otherwise be sorted!.
Dont be scared, it can be very traumatic, I understand!. But let them do their jobs!.
PS Avoid the drugs, I dont mean prescriptions, I mean the more "social drugs", feels good short term, makes things worse long term!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
There are behavioural therapies that can be given, but all are long term im afraid, theres no quick fix!.
Be honest and open with the Psyc staff, but don't let them roll you over into a corner or put words in your mouth!. If they say somthing and its not right, correct them, explain in a different way tuill they get it!.
Honestly, I dont think Yahoo answers is the place for advice on this sort of problem, stick to the professionals, dont take hearsay and rumour to heart!. Seek support on this sort of thing, but dont go running off with self diagnosis, you'll end up convincing yiourself and this can mask the real problem, which could otherwise be sorted!.
Dont be scared, it can be very traumatic, I understand!. But let them do their jobs!.
PS Avoid the drugs, I dont mean prescriptions, I mean the more "social drugs", feels good short term, makes things worse long term!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You really poured out your soul!. I empathize with the pain you're feeling!. I saw a therapist this morning and though therapy doesn't help me will all my issues, it does help some!. It sounds like your upcoming psycotherapy appointment is your first!. Keep the appt!. and don't give up!. I've seen a number of different therapists over the years, and they're not all the same!. If this therapist doesn't give you some hope, try another one!. Keep trying!. Some medications can help so maybe you'll find the right one to keep your spirits up!. Good luck and take care!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
i am sooo glad i saw this post!. i too have social anxiety and it has held me back from being truly happy for so long!. however, i have been listening to these cognitive behavior audio tapes that help to change the negative thinking patterns in your mind!. they are helping me slowly!. i thank god for them, b/c now i feel more confident and less anxious!. contact me if you want them (i can send the files to you thru yahoo messenger)!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
Wow, I can rather associate with this as I get rather bad social anxiety and agoraphobia sometimes to the point I dread going outside but I always find ways to challenge it!. Making yourself go out is a good idea because it's a graded exposure to your fears but don't try too much too soon!. Try to say hi back to people too, it's not that hard :)!.
You shouldn't kill yourself because imagine if in 50 years time you look back and are happy and glad you didn't :)!. It probably doesn't seem possible to get better but it is, believe me!. It's just staying that way that's the problem!. The psychotherapy will help though, definitely!.
Also, if the people you used to hang around with are truly your friends then they should understand!. You'll often be surprised how understanding they are, as I was!.
Try doing stuff you like, that will help with the depression!. There's loads of places on the internet with advice too, especially this site :]!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You shouldn't kill yourself because imagine if in 50 years time you look back and are happy and glad you didn't :)!. It probably doesn't seem possible to get better but it is, believe me!. It's just staying that way that's the problem!. The psychotherapy will help though, definitely!.
Also, if the people you used to hang around with are truly your friends then they should understand!. You'll often be surprised how understanding they are, as I was!.
Try doing stuff you like, that will help with the depression!. There's loads of places on the internet with advice too, especially this site :]!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Very few of us are attractive, most of us would also claimed to have been bullied at school for our ugly looks, too fat or too skinny bodies, brains or no brains, or lack of social status!.
However, you have every right to be living here with everyone else - and living a great life - so hold in there and make sure you attend your appointments for treatment of this phobia, you are actually probably not bad looking but some part of your brain is telling you otherwise; and even the slightest of looks from someone on the street might be incorrectly interpretered by you in that they are thinking you are ugly!.
The thing is, who cares if you are ugly!. You are a very lovely person with a lot to give a girlfriend and other people!. Think of all the ugly men on TV that get lovely girls!.
You can be successfully treated for this!. Carry on and hold your head up high and go through with the therapy as you deserve to live life to the full and you will soon see that actually, you're a pretty cool person who is well worth having around!.!.!. xWww@Answer-Health@Com
However, you have every right to be living here with everyone else - and living a great life - so hold in there and make sure you attend your appointments for treatment of this phobia, you are actually probably not bad looking but some part of your brain is telling you otherwise; and even the slightest of looks from someone on the street might be incorrectly interpretered by you in that they are thinking you are ugly!.
The thing is, who cares if you are ugly!. You are a very lovely person with a lot to give a girlfriend and other people!. Think of all the ugly men on TV that get lovely girls!.
You can be successfully treated for this!. Carry on and hold your head up high and go through with the therapy as you deserve to live life to the full and you will soon see that actually, you're a pretty cool person who is well worth having around!.!.!. xWww@Answer-Health@Com