I think something might be wrong with me?!

You don't sound like a drama queen or a moron to me. In fact, you sound quite articulate and creative/imaginative!! Very powerful stuff!!

I was afraid of fear too until I learned that the gift of fear, (when we learn how to sit with it, receive it, embrace it), is Wisdom.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are simply wounded and wounds need healing, not fixing.

It's important to learn how to identify our emotions and express them in healthy ways. Kind of like learning how to hone our Jedi powerz. :o)

I believe that as sentient (feeling) human beings our greatest power is in our emotions. Unfortunately, we often don't learn how to do this because so many people are too busy running away from uncomfortable emotions. We all do this from time to time and sometimes we even get stuck doing it. It's called intellectualization. To me it's like rowing with one oar (brain power) instead of using BOTH oars. (Brain power AND emotional power) effectively.

When we row with only one oar, we go in circles. We need to be still and sit with our emotions. Psychologists and other counsellors, can help with this, but only if they aren't the bookish type and actually have some true acceptance of human emotion as a strength. Emotions are natural. They are our signals. We need to "befriend" them. We can start doing this by first identifying them (like you did so beautifully by expressing your fears). Another think we can pay attention to is what they feel like and where in our body we feel them. Also varying degrees (like on a scale of one to ten). It's important to remember that they are natural and we can learn how to be with them.

I believe that with the levels of fear you are courageously expressing to us, if you will be patient with yourself and learn to face and embrace those fears and receive the gifts your instincts are sending you, you will become a very Wise person because, remember, the gift fear brings, if we will embrace it, is Wisdom.

And know too that the gift of resistance, is Protection. So go at a pace you can handle. It seems you already realize this to some degree due to what you described about trying to handle it all at once.

I wish you well. Be gentle with yourself. If something triggers you, let it go. If it might help you to seek assistance from someone with experience, I hope you will consider trying that. You can always change your mind, or try something else entirely. That's the beauty of it.

Welcome to humanity. We all feel. Sometimes it's uncomfortable but with practice, I can assure you, it's our greatest power. Far greater than mere "logic", which anyone can do.

Better to BE than to do.

Keep on BEING.

Listen to your instincts, they're your instincts for a reason. But keep them in perspective and learn, learn, learn how they work. It's a lifelong process. I hope you will be patient with yourself and go at a pace that you can handle.

You could have anxiety. And the more anxious you feel about your anxiety, the more anxious you get, so it kind of feeds itself. You could get a self-help book about anxiety and see if that helps. If not, maybe a therapist or psychiatrist would be helpful. It's the most common mental problem. Nothing to be ashamed of. And stay off caffeine. It's terrible for anxiety.

Sounds like you have anxiety or some OCD. If its interferring with life, go to a doctor.

I applaud you for your intelligence, and the fact that you can articulate and step back and empower yourself to get some advice. Your so far ahead of others who suffer from anxiety and paranoia. This is a brain disease just like getting an arm broke. So get thy self to a doctor first and ask him to refer you to a psychiatrist. Because therapy is so important along with medication and do keep going to the doc if the medication has side effects because they can change it and yes this can get better. Your smart and you will tackle this problem and get back to feeling good. I suggest prayer also and my favorite novena is( the 15 prayers of st. theresa) found on line. good luck friend I will remember you in my prayers!