I am totally hurt depressed & in pain after my lover left me?!

dear rose,
i'm so sorry to read this.it brought tears to my eyes too. a similiar thing happnd with me where i had to separate from my love cos of my parents.
its really sad when this happens,pain is unbearable..
i dont know if time heals,its been 3 months since this happened to me and i dont feel any better.
i cry all the time,i dream of him, i talk to myself,am depressed,crying while sleeping sometimes,am going insane too so i know what u feel.
i hope time is the best healer and may god have somethng good in future for us.
amen.

I'm sorry to hear this Jovanni. But the truth is nobody can help you. Only you can help yourself but it will take time. Lots of it by the sound of it.

Having been in a similar situation myself and felt at the lowest of the lows I can only try to offer a few pieces from my own experience that helped me through:

1. Ignore people who tell you he was/is an awful person and that you should dislike him for what he's done. You love him, period. Trying to hate him will not work as cure. Better to retain fond memories than twist them into something nasty. It will only make you bitter - and that is the last thing you need. You need to let go gracefully.

2. DO pay attention to people who tell you things will get better and that one day you will recover and meet someone equally wonderful. Because that IS true. Right now you won't believe that (neither did I and neither does anyone else in your position). But it does happen. Unless you come out of this bitter. Hence my point above. Don't be bitter and twisted. Learn from it. But don't become a bitter person. Become a better person.

3. The best piece of advice I can offer is this. It sounds the hardest but if you can do it, it WILL work. Focus on today only. Stop thinking about the past (it will only lead to regret and sadness). And don't think about the future (it will only lead to uncertainty and worry about being alone etc). Just focus on making TODAY good and enjoying yourself and making yourself happy. Treat yourself. Surround yourself with people who do love/like you. Even if you only feel good for a few minutes each day. It will grow.

4. Get a new distraction. I don't mean a person. I mean an activity. I was so low I had to move city (actually country) for a while to get over my lost lover but since then I haven't looked back - and ironically it has been whilst living in this new city that I have met my new wife.

5. Finally, let yourself cry now and again. Just not all the time. It's OK to feel heartbroken and sad and it's good to get it out....but pull yourself together again quickly. And try to carry on as normal as you can when you can.

Time is a great healer. It might take a long time but as long as you realise it WILL get better than is the first step.

I wish you well ;-)

AC