My boyfriend likes anal sex, it hurts real bad, now what?!

My boyfriend likes anal sex, it hurts real bad, now what?

I wanted us to try new things so I suggested it, but the pain was too much, he enjoyed it (he enjoyed it so much he kept doing it even though I was crying).
I still wanna give it another try because he likes it, I need advice on how to do it without the terrible pain.

Also, is bleeding after having anal sex normal?

First - anatomy. At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles, sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½" above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas. The mucous membrane lining of the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily and it does not heal as quickly as the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, are passing by, any tear is vulnerable to infection.

The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane. This can develop into an anal abscess that can become infected - more about that in a moment. Also, if your partner has any of the sexually transmitted infections (STI's), then you could get infected through the tear. So we are talking about gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure.) You do not want any of these STI's.

Preferably, you're in a long-term, committed relationship, infection free, and practising SAFER SEX.

But wait, there's more bad news. A “fissure” is a tear up in the rectum can develop into a crack, and become infected.

It can gradually extend out through the wall of the bowel and form a channel across, through and into a nearby organ. That's called a "fistula", and it would allow feces to flow from the rectum into the vagina and out.

Repairing tears, fissures and fistulas is delicate surgery and recovery can be long and painful.

Some doctors will tell you that hemorrhoids (piles) could result from vigorous anal sex, and although I have no medical research, I have heard people say that the rectum "gets sloppy", stretched. I am dubious - if this was true, why doesn't it get sloppy with regular bowel movements? With no definitive research, you do the math.

The best prevention is "don't go there". But if you do decide to try it, you and your partner must talk about it beforehand and agree on these points:

1. Your partner must be very, very gentle, absolutely no forced penetration and no vigorous thrusting.
2. You must use lots and lots of good lubrication, (anal lube, not saliva).
3. Your partner must use a condom…all the time, every time.
4. Your partner must respect "stop". If you say ouch, or it hurts, or No or quit… they must stop immediately.
5. It must be understood, if you do not want to have anal sex again, there will be no pressure, no threats and no pleading. NO means NO.
6. Use a well-lubricated condom without spermicide, either on the sex toy or his penis. Spermicide can irritate the rectum.
7. Never shift from anal sex back to vaginal sex without changing condoms. Feces can end up in the vagina and cause infections. And please wash your hands with soap and water after handling the dirty condom or you could still spread infectious material.


Hope this helps!